Work tape - this is intended as a "sway-along" song for couples to dance to 
Any and all feedback welcome, as ever!
Nice song Tommy! I love these lines:
“feel your breath on my neck
Of all highs I’ve tried, that’s the sweetest rush yet”
August 23, 2018
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Hi Tommy, I think with the right production, a better singer and some changes in the chorus melody, to make it a bit more catchy, this can be a nice one. Have you tried a 3/4 or 6/8 rhythm? Listen to Keith Urbans - ‘Blue ain’t your color’ it has a similar feel - ‘steal’ some ideas!
August 24, 2018
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Verse 1:
Put the world to one side
And slide in real close, for this last dance tonight
And as your eyes meet mine
And we sway to the beat, well, my heart can't keep time
Chorus:
If I could I'd shower you with diamonds and pearls
To show you that you are the light in this world
But I ain't no rich man
All I can give
Is my heart and my soul, and a promise to live
By your side
For all time
In place of those diamonds and pearls
Verse 2:
I feel your breath on my neck
Of all highs I've tried, that's the sweetest rush yet
And I nearly... miss my step
As I realize how just how I've been blessed
Chorus:
If I could I'd shower you with diamonds and pearls
To show you that you are the light in this world
But I ain't no rich man
And all I can give
Is my heart and my soul, and a promise to live
By your side
For all time
In place of those diamonds and pearls
Bridge:
Without a word your sweet lips
Show me who the
real diamond here is
Chorus (ending version):
Although I'd still shower you with diamonds and pearls
You already know you're my light in this world
And we have our riches
That cannot be spent
Two hearts dancing as one, and a love that won't end
For all time
We'll be fine
Without those diamonds and pearls
We don't need no diamonds and pearls
0
1) Vocal intonation—TOO flat TOO often. 2) Meter in verse seems a little stiff. 3) Key change is awkward (not natural, no flow). Best wishes in your future songwriting endeavors.
August 22, 2018
0
Nice song Tommy! I love these lines:
“feel your breath on my neck
Of all highs I’ve tried, that’s the sweetest rush yet”
August 23, 2018
0
Hi Tommy, I think with the right production, a better singer and some changes in the chorus melody, to make it a bit more catchy, this can be a nice one. Have you tried a 3/4 or 6/8 rhythm? Listen to Keith Urbans - ‘Blue ain’t your color’ it has a similar feel - ‘steal’ some ideas!
August 24, 2018
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Bob Abner
1) Vocal intonation—TOO flat TOO often. 2) Meter in verse seems a little stiff. 3) Key change is awkward (not natural, no flow). Best wishes in your future songwriting endeavors.
August 22, 2018
No members have liked this comment.