Any feedback on this is welcome. Thanks!
I think the music really expresses the mood of the lyrics - dark, lost… The melody takes some interesting turns and I liked the change/lift in the chorus.
As a singer, I think I’d go for more dynamics. Although the mood brightens a bit on the chorus, that is due to the chords. You can get a similar kind of excitement by singing some lines out much more than others.
February 06, 2014
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And the day came when the pain of staying the same
Outweighed the pain it would take to change
Get yourself clean they all screamed at me
Go on and set yourself free – you’ll feel better
Well I’m ninety days in, and to my chagrin
Their words were prophetic and true
Oh, I feel better all of the time
But this aint what I had in mind
I feel fear and feel it really good
I guess that I should since I’m not using
I feel pain and I want to push it away
Hard to believe that today I’m any better
I’m clean now, but I feel so confused
I don’t know what I should do to start living
I’ve given up the thing that kept me sane
That helped mask the pain I was in
It gets better, they keep promising me
But how can that be - I’m so lost
And I worry that even if they are right
The cost of the fight is too much
I feel fear and feel it really good
I guess that I should since I’m not using
I feel pain and I want to push it away
Hard to believe that today I’m any better
Such a thin veneer between hope and fear
I’m scared that I’ll make it, and scared that I won’t
And the day came when the pain of staying the same
Outweighed the pain it would take to change
Get yourself clean they all screamed at me
Go on and set yourself free – you’ll feel better
I feel fear and feel it really good
I guess that I should since I’m not using
I feel pain and I want to push it away
Hard to believe that today I’m any better
0
Chris - what a sad song. This poor person is really doubting that he/she is better off sober. Very interesting approach to an age old problem. I really like some of the stuff in here - particularly the internal rhyme lines “and the day came…...etc..”
In your verses, you have the same 2 line melodic pattern repeated over and over. It’s real easy for a melodic pattern (even a really good one) to get monotonous if repeated too much. Since you do 2 verses and chorus, 2 verses and chorus, etc., I think you could vary your melodic pattern by having the 2nd verse of each pair have a different melodic pattern. I think this would result in a less repetitive and more interesting verse melody.
Regardless - good song.
February 06, 2014
0
I think the music really expresses the mood of the lyrics - dark, lost… The melody takes some interesting turns and I liked the change/lift in the chorus.
As a singer, I think I’d go for more dynamics. Although the mood brightens a bit on the chorus, that is due to the chords. You can get a similar kind of excitement by singing some lines out much more than others.
February 06, 2014
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Dick Plunk
Chris - what a sad song. This poor person is really doubting that he/she is better off sober. Very interesting approach to an age old problem. I really like some of the stuff in here - particularly the internal rhyme lines “and the day came…...etc..”
In your verses, you have the same 2 line melodic pattern repeated over and over. It’s real easy for a melodic pattern (even a really good one) to get monotonous if repeated too much. Since you do 2 verses and chorus, 2 verses and chorus, etc., I think you could vary your melodic pattern by having the 2nd verse of each pair have a different melodic pattern. I think this would result in a less repetitive and more interesting verse melody.
Regardless - good song.
February 06, 2014
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