I was sitting in a coffee shop before going to work. Not really in a good place, feeling kind of down. I didn't know why and/or how I really felt. So how do I best figure it out, I wrote about it. I gushed it into a poem. Got over it and boom a song!
This is just a quick one take through recording. I am working on legitimately recording this stuff soon.
I too dig the photos. They really explain the songs well. Parts of this song has a Tegan and Sara feel to it. I like that. My only immediate feedback is that I did kind of get lost in the song along the way. I think some change up is needed to keep me hooked into it. Maybe it is the chord progression? Maybe going up tempo with it some?\
I hope this helps.
December 30, 2013
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Thanks! I have been trying to figure out how do build it a bit. But I haven’t been able to figure out other chords that I like to go with it. If you have any suggestions as far as chords go that would be great!
January 01, 2014
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Nice job, Mackenzie! I like the rawness of your voice. If you do “legitimate recordings”, I encourage you to still try to capture the real live sound that you’ve captured here, it sounds good.
I like the vagueness of your lyrics, it feels very poignant, tired, and… well like you said, “down.” I do think that the music itself needs more variety. Switch up the phrasing of your lyrics, speak faster at times and slower at others. Find a way to distinguish your chorus from the rest of the song, whether it’s different chords, going up in your range, etc.
keep it up!
January 06, 2014
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Tired Jaw
From smiling through
Clenched teeth
Thankful for the clattering
Background noise
To drown out my tired
Thoughts
This quiet silence
Is killing me
It awakens unknown/unwanted
Anxiety inside of me
Happy for any distraction from my self made depression
Inside of me
Deadening my being
Act happy
Hope it overtakes
The hopeless loneliness
Overjoyed with breaking This delusion
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They should pay you to design the song photos. Yours are amazingly well composed and so representative of the song meanings.
This song is a great start. The only feedback I can think of is to suggest studying songs from your favorite artists that are close to being only one or two chords to see how they get arranged and produced. If you can’t find any, some that come to mind are U2’s “Bullet the Blue Sky,” “Moves Like Jagger,” Velvet Underground’s “Heroin,” Bob Marley’s “Get Up Stand Up,” CCR’s “Run Through the Jungle” (this one is most like your song I think - though it’s a stretch in my mind)
December 30, 2013
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I too dig the photos. They really explain the songs well. Parts of this song has a Tegan and Sara feel to it. I like that. My only immediate feedback is that I did kind of get lost in the song along the way. I think some change up is needed to keep me hooked into it. Maybe it is the chord progression? Maybe going up tempo with it some?\
I hope this helps.
December 30, 2013
0
Thanks! I have been trying to figure out how do build it a bit. But I haven’t been able to figure out other chords that I like to go with it. If you have any suggestions as far as chords go that would be great!
January 01, 2014
0
Nice job, Mackenzie! I like the rawness of your voice. If you do “legitimate recordings”, I encourage you to still try to capture the real live sound that you’ve captured here, it sounds good.
I like the vagueness of your lyrics, it feels very poignant, tired, and… well like you said, “down.” I do think that the music itself needs more variety. Switch up the phrasing of your lyrics, speak faster at times and slower at others. Find a way to distinguish your chorus from the rest of the song, whether it’s different chords, going up in your range, etc.
keep it up!
January 06, 2014
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Matt Rees
They should pay you to design the song photos. Yours are amazingly well composed and so representative of the song meanings.
This song is a great start. The only feedback I can think of is to suggest studying songs from your favorite artists that are close to being only one or two chords to see how they get arranged and produced. If you can’t find any, some that come to mind are U2’s “Bullet the Blue Sky,” “Moves Like Jagger,” Velvet Underground’s “Heroin,” Bob Marley’s “Get Up Stand Up,” CCR’s “Run Through the Jungle” (this one is most like your song I think - though it’s a stretch in my mind)
December 30, 2013
No members have liked this comment.