I have tried to focus on a linear sounding melody in verse to match such songs as Bruces Springsteen's streets of Philadelphia and the killers Mr Brightside. I have specially left the title and hook of the song like Philadelphia at the end of each verse. This is a work tape and had planned to build it up, but I want the song to stand on it own two feet if deciding to act on it more.
I am looking for obvious mistakes, things I should do is it too flat sounding or lacks musical moments, just really feedback.
elizabeth kurman / BMI songwriter
I love the guitar sound and the mic sound 
I wish I could get mine to sound as good. 
April 30, 2020
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Elizabeth, thank you for taking the time to comment, I will follow your advice and see where it takes me. J
May 01, 2020
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This is a nice lamenting song. Some great images here revolving one person, which is hard to do. My only critique is the line “Herewith whatever.” It comes off as confusing rather than wanting me to learn what the next line is. Other than that, it is quite comfortable to hear.
May 03, 2020
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No members have liked this comment.
I like the song and I love your vocals. I think this song has the bones to be a really good song as it is pretty good stripped down. I would be interested in hearing where you go with it in the future.
May 04, 2020
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I was happy and calm,
I was in the right place,
I felt the real me,
That I used to chase,
I looked in the mirror,
Motioned I'm with you,
Herewith whatever,
You want to do,
As this won't last forever,
I kept myself busy,
With going nowhere,
Pacing this room,
Asking who cares,
Sometimes I'd sit,
Remaining awake,
Hearing planes pass,
Taking someone away,
Knowing this won't last forever,
This won't last forever,
When we meet again,
We'll do what we do best,
I'll be the new me,
I'll forget all the rest,
As a modern-day begins,
I start with a smile,
Put on the shirt,
I considered for a while,
I remind myself,
Of what I said,
When I prayed last night,
Besides my bed,
This won't last forever,
0
elizabeth kurman / BMI songwriter
BS song is NOT linear.. the melody is more like a rolling hillside and the harmony backing it up in the track is exquisite. .my feedback would be to find a catchier melody for the song, and put a track down that brings out whatever emotion you are going for… I hope this is helpful, it is surely meant to be. good luck
April 30, 2020
0
elizabeth kurman / BMI songwriter
I love the guitar sound and the mic sound I wish I could get mine to sound as good.
April 30, 2020
0
Elizabeth, thank you for taking the time to comment, I will follow your advice and see where it takes me. J
May 01, 2020
0
This is a nice lamenting song. Some great images here revolving one person, which is hard to do. My only critique is the line “Herewith whatever.” It comes off as confusing rather than wanting me to learn what the next line is. Other than that, it is quite comfortable to hear.
May 03, 2020
0
I like the song and I love your vocals. I think this song has the bones to be a really good song as it is pretty good stripped down. I would be interested in hearing where you go with it in the future.
May 04, 2020
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elizabeth kurman / BMI songwriter
BS song is NOT linear.. the melody is more like a rolling hillside and the harmony backing it up in the track is exquisite. .my feedback would be to find a catchier melody for the song, and put a track down that brings out whatever emotion you are going for… I hope this is helpful, it is surely meant to be.
good luck
April 30, 2020
No members have liked this comment.