A sad tale of a man who's life stopped the day his wife went for a walk pregnant with their 11th child both died of complications, leaving him to raise their 10 children.. "Time Stopped that day you left me behind, Time Stopped the day you walked outta my life.... "
any chance a bluegrass artist would do this one?
I also have a good feel about it.
Like the upbeat tune.
Lyric is a bit ambiguous about the reason for the separation and that is probably good because the original story is truly sad.
I think the best line is “the clock keeps tickin’ but time has stopped.” It’s what the song is about and a beautiful sad complex image. I would work it into the first line of the chorus because I want to throw it at the listener the first chance I get. I would even go as far as changing the title of the song to “The Clock Keeps Tickin’ (But Time Has Stopped)” because a more general title is hardly ever going to win the fight for attention with thousands of other general titles.
April 23, 2020
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elizabeth kurman / BMI songwriter
thank you mitch and jackson..wow you both have given me alot to work on. Mitch I am gonna write about the family and try to tie it all together . Jackson, I am glad you like the hook (at the end of the chorus).. i know we’re supposed to put the hook in the beginning of the chorus but there’s so many in this song.. ( she said modestly ) .. seriously.. i think the minor does it in the top of the chorus and this one makes the point .. I dunno..also the ending needs it ... in the end.. but I will definitely consider that one.
this group is gonna really help me get my songs in shape.for sure ! thank you both
April 23, 2020
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VERSE 1
Clock keeps tickin, but I'm not listenin'
I walk the line, I'm doin' fine, don't have the time....
friends, they don't know anything's wrong
they only know that I'm alive and doin' fine
BRIDGE
Everyday I work away
people see me, but they're blind
it's only when I come into this house,
close the door and I don't see your face anymore
I'm lost in time.....
CHORUS
Time Stopped
the day you left me behind
Time Stopped
the day you walked outta my life
Oh I still eat and drink and feel the same
since your memory's alive and well dear
and all our children are just fine
but time has stopped
OH....... Oh....
repeat verse 1,bridge & chorus
oh the clock keeps tickin' but time has STOPPED.
0
It has a general good feel to it, but it seems you use a lot of “plosive” consonants and some of the verses are a but crowded with words. The theme of the song is great, but perhaps the story needs more about how he/she is dealing with the kids, each of their personalities, especially now since the mate is gone. That’s just my 2 cents.
April 23, 2020
0
I also have a good feel about it.
Like the upbeat tune.
Lyric is a bit ambiguous about the reason for the separation and that is probably good because the original story is truly sad.
I think the best line is “the clock keeps tickin’ but time has stopped.” It’s what the song is about and a beautiful sad complex image. I would work it into the first line of the chorus because I want to throw it at the listener the first chance I get. I would even go as far as changing the title of the song to “The Clock Keeps Tickin’ (But Time Has Stopped)” because a more general title is hardly ever going to win the fight for attention with thousands of other general titles.
April 23, 2020
0
elizabeth kurman / BMI songwriter
thank you mitch and jackson..wow you both have given me alot to work on. Mitch I am gonna write about the family and try to tie it all together . Jackson, I am glad you like the hook (at the end of the chorus).. i know we’re supposed to put the hook in the beginning of the chorus but there’s so many in this song.. ( she said modestly ) .. seriously.. i think the minor does it in the top of the chorus and this one makes the point .. I dunno..also the ending needs it ... in the end.. but I will definitely consider that one.
this group is gonna really help me get my songs in shape.for sure ! thank you both
April 23, 2020
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Mitch Matthews
It has a general good feel to it, but it seems you use a lot of “plosive” consonants and some of the verses are a but crowded with words. The theme of the song is great, but perhaps the story needs more about how he/she is dealing with the kids, each of their personalities, especially now since the mate is gone. That’s just my 2 cents.
April 23, 2020
No members have liked this comment.