Title, then chorus, then thought that it would sound like a guy keeping in the "friend zone" to end up here, and did not want that - realized then that as a duet it told the story I had in mind. Only me singing both parts in this work tape 
Any and all, welcome as always!
Thanks Brent! Awesome advice as ever! Interestingly I “forced” the verse to be longer for fear of it being too short and not getting the story across, so now I am relieved that I can trim those back again and the story will still be clear for the listener
I would never have thought to double the chorus, except at the end, but that is awesome too, I really like the chorus and now I know that this is “acceptable to do” I will do that!
I’ll post a new version when I get it reworked, being a new song I am happy to get in there with the scalpel and start giving it a face lift (older songs I take longer to get back to, and mostly take advice on them onboard when writing something new - but this one I will definitely rework!)
Thanks!
January 28, 2018
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Verse 1 (her)
When would you guess we first met?
I'll say 6 years ago
At some summer lakeside party
I bet we nodded a quick hello
Neither of us knew back then
That we'd become the best of friends
Or be sat here tonight
A dinner by candle light
Which all leads me to say
Chorus 1 (her)
Oh I don't want to sound like some pickup line
But it really is time we picked your place or mine
We can turn off our phones
Pretend we'd not at home
Oh what's about to happen's been a long time coming
Verse 2 (him)
First time I remember your face
In a firelight glow - campsite sing-a-long
You were with... what was his name?
[You were with... what was her name? (her) ]
We both called out the same favorite song
Double-dated to a few live shows
No way that we coulda known
It would lead to this
Love before any first kiss
And it all leads me to say
Chorus 2 (him)
Well I don't want to sound like some pickup line
But your place or mine, yeah it really is time
We can turn down the lights
Slow dance all through the night
Oh what's about to happen's been a long time coming
Verse 3
You were the one who fixed up my car (her)
And you taught me to dance (him)
I saw you through every broken heart (her)
I was your shoulder through each bad romance (him)
(both from this point on)
But I just didn't see
What was right in front of me
At least, not 'til today
Chorus 3 (both)
Well I really got to say what's on my mind
You could be the one for the rest of my life
But let's start with right now
See how it all works out
Oh what's about to happen's been a long time coming
Chorus 1 (both)
Oh I don't want to sound like some pickup line
But it really is time we picked your place or mine
We can turn off our phones
Pretend we're not at home
Oh what's about to happen's been a long time coming
1
Hi, Tommy! Thanks for sharing this one. Okay… duet. Keeping that in my head.
I like the line, “love before any first kiss.”
I like the chorus, but I think you should double it. Don’t repeat it lyrically, but basically double it melodically. Felt short. And to keep the time right, I’d shorten the verses. I think we can get what we need in less verse lines and get to the meat of it- which is that catchy chorus. The “now” is in the chorus, so I’d like the song to focus there more.
Some nice work here. Good job.
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
January 22, 2018
0
Thanks Brent! Awesome advice as ever! Interestingly I “forced” the verse to be longer for fear of it being too short and not getting the story across, so now I am relieved that I can trim those back again and the story will still be clear for the listener
I would never have thought to double the chorus, except at the end, but that is awesome too, I really like the chorus and now I know that this is “acceptable to do” I will do that!
I’ll post a new version when I get it reworked, being a new song I am happy to get in there with the scalpel and start giving it a face lift (older songs I take longer to get back to, and mostly take advice on them onboard when writing something new - but this one I will definitely rework!)
Thanks!
January 28, 2018
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Brent Baxter
Hi, Tommy! Thanks for sharing this one. Okay… duet. Keeping that in my head.
I like the line, “love before any first kiss.”
I like the chorus, but I think you should double it. Don’t repeat it lyrically, but basically double it melodically. Felt short. And to keep the time right, I’d shorten the verses. I think we can get what we need in less verse lines and get to the meat of it- which is that catchy chorus. The “now” is in the chorus, so I’d like the song to focus there more.
Some nice work here. Good job.
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
January 22, 2018