Song about a guy who likes older women. Original idea for the song was "I like my whiskey older", but found the phrase "older whiskey" flowed better... pun intended.
Any and all feedback greatly appreciated. Especially interested what the ladies on Frettie think about it, if it's degrading or offensive in any way.
And before anybody asks me who's going to sing it, it would have to be a newer or up-and-coming artist... somebody without an image or reputation to uphold.
Joseph, thank you for your honest feedback. I wish more people people would just say what they think… good or bad! It always amazes me how a song can be viewed a hundred times, yet nobody has an opinion on it!
Phillip
September 08, 2017
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Hey Philip,
Like your song but feel it is more about you and less about the ‘whiskey.’
Here is what I would do in my version:
Decide who the song is for and add a bit more in that direction (I tend to get verbose, as you know);
The bridge does not work for me, except the last line (which I would keep and put elsewhere). Try to express the thought/s behind a cliche in another way.
Add some variety in the arrangement and delivery.
Hope this helps.
Jack
September 10, 2017
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Older Whiskey
Sitting alone, she looks out of place
Lines on her hands, hope on her face
I like what I see
Dressed to the nines, looks like a ten
Nobody's wondering where she's been
Except for me
Chorus:
I like older whiskey
The kind that's made in Dixie
The kind that's feeling frisky
Wants to take me home
Older whiskey
The kind that won't get misty
The kind that doesn't miss me
After I am gone
I like older whiskey
I slide to the bar, order straight Jack
Do a quick look, she looks back
Could she be the one?
I say "Hello", buy her a shot
Do my best, give it all I've got
Till the mornin' comes
Chorus: Repeat
Bridge:
You're only as old as you feel
And age is just a number
But the truth will be revealed
When the prey becomes the hunter
Chorus: Repeat
Older whiskey
I like older whiskey
0
I always like the idea of personifying, but I’m not sure if it really translates here. It feels to me like the chorus and the verses belong in two separate songs.
Maybe change up the rhyme scheme in the chorus. It seems like you’re stretching your lyrics to be able to rhyme with whiskey every time, and you can see the rhyme coming from a mile away.
Like I said, I like personification in songs. I think with a little more work, you could make it work! Good luck!
September 05, 2017
0
Joseph, thank you for your honest feedback. I wish more people people would just say what they think… good or bad! It always amazes me how a song can be viewed a hundred times, yet nobody has an opinion on it!
Phillip
September 08, 2017
0
Hey Philip,
Like your song but feel it is more about you and less about the ‘whiskey.’
Here is what I would do in my version:
Decide who the song is for and add a bit more in that direction (I tend to get verbose, as you know);
The bridge does not work for me, except the last line (which I would keep and put elsewhere). Try to express the thought/s behind a cliche in another way.
Add some variety in the arrangement and delivery.
Hope this helps.
Jack
September 10, 2017
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Joseph Henry Castleman
I always like the idea of personifying, but I’m not sure if it really translates here. It feels to me like the chorus and the verses belong in two separate songs.
Maybe change up the rhyme scheme in the chorus. It seems like you’re stretching your lyrics to be able to rhyme with whiskey every time, and you can see the rhyme coming from a mile away.
Like I said, I like personification in songs. I think with a little more work, you could make it work! Good luck!
September 05, 2017
No members have liked this comment.