Bob Abner gave feedback on Fire in The Ice (Revised)

Hey Jolene—NOTICEABLE IMPROVEMENT (comes much closer to feeling like it would be more comfortable to sing). A few suggestions—1) First verse, third line: drop the “a” and the line becomes “There’s fire she’s been concealing” which accomplishes 2 things (A: a better parallel—“To TOUCH her left you... Read More

Bob Abner gave feedback on Fire in The Ice

Like everyone else so far, I like the title (jumping off point for a song)—my critique would be: If you’re thinking of this as potentially a SONG (which I assume you are, since this is a “songwriting site), then the (seeming) rules for song LYRICS would be 1) tighten... Read More

Bob Abner gave feedback on Then Comes the Night

I should have said, “I was going along listening to the song, and liking it a LOT—but “THEN COMES THE BRIDGE” (a small takeoff on your title)—HA!!!

Bob Abner gave feedback on Then Comes the Night

“...I WISH I HAD WRITTEN THIS ONE—HA!!!”  [These feedbacks don’t allow for humorous “emoticons,” like a colon followed by a right parentheses representing a laugh—hope this makes sense]

Bob Abner gave feedback on Then Comes the Night

WOW—Marvin, if you don’t go shop this one around, and I mean SERIOUSLY shop it around, they need to shoot you—this is a GREAT song—I liked it a LOT—THEN I got to the bridge, and I just broke down and cried without stopping—if you... Read More