It's a simple song I wrote to my wife a few years back. We had come back from a vacation we took together and I got inspired to write this. I have made so many demos of this in different styles. This one's my favorite.
Any feedback is welcomed, thanks.
My usual disclaimer: feel free to ignore what I say. It’s just my .02. Honestly, I think you have the bones of a fun song, but right now, at this minute, it’s too dang serious.This version has taking care of kids. Parents, Thinking about tomorrow. Having to borrow money. And a tired wife. So let me play warden and let you out of your mental cage. Even if it’s the truth, or both you and your wife are dog-tired, why mention it. Same thing with ending with begging on your knees and “Don’t worry about a thing,” and “let’s see what loving you will bring.” I would ditch them too. They are holding you back. Leave them in the cell. Instead escape into fun. Write a new chorus. maybe start the hook with “Let’s break free from the grind, and leave the stress behind.. take a road trip down to the Keys, I know a beach chair in Belize.” that kind of thing. Make it a fun vibe.
Doing so brings the listener along. We want to hear about trip: waking up at a Mayan pyramid, how she won a wet T-shirt contest, swimming with alligators in the jungle, how she fed a baby monkey…
In other words, you’re not just aiming to please, you are the man she needs and believes in.
June 20, 2026
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Christopher, Im glad you enjoyed this over all. I get your point about needing some more details. Sounds like I need to do a re-write. Thanks for reaching out.
June 21, 2026
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Robert, thank you for taking the time to honestly express your opinions. Its rare I get great constructive criticism and I welcome it with open arms. I too have felt this song has potential. My honest confession is Iv never been satisfied with this song. Your opinions and insights are valuable to me and have confirmed my thoughts and feelings towards it. Thank you again!
June 21, 2026
No members have liked this comment.
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[Verse 1]
Girl you're looking kind of tired
But I could use a little break myself
And these summer days are slipping by
What do you say we pack some bags and fly
Let's break away and lose ourselves
Forget about the cares of yesterday
[Chorus]
Let's only think of tomorrow
If I have to I will borrow
Don't you worry 'bout a thing
Let's see what loving you will bring
Last minute cruise to the keys
Or let's fly to Belize
Oh honey I'm begging on my knees
I'm just aiming to please
[Verse 2]
Now babe don't you go worry now
The kids will be just fine right here at home
I called mom and dad to be coming down
To watch them till we get back here in town
Let's break away and lose ourselves
Forget about the cares of yesterday
[Chorus]
Let's only think of tomorrow
If I have to I will borrow
Don't you worry 'bout a thing
Let's see what loving you will bring
Last minute cruise to the keys
Or let's fly to Belize
Oh honey I'm begging on my knees
I'm just aiming to please
[Outro]
Oh honey I'm begging on my knees
I'm just aiming to please
0
Michael, this is a really enjoyable listen. I like the positive, feel-good vibe and the idea of wanting to whisk your wife away from the everyday grind. The “cruise to the Keys / fly to Belize” lines are catchy and paint a nice picture. The lyric flows naturally and feels conversational, which fits the theme well. If I had one suggestion, it would be to add a few more specific details that make their relationship uniquely theirs and give us an even clearer picture of what they’re escaping from. Overall, a fun, uplifting song with a lot of heart. Nice work!
June 20, 2026
0
My usual disclaimer: feel free to ignore what I say. It’s just my .02. Honestly, I think you have the bones of a fun song, but right now, at this minute, it’s too dang serious.This version has taking care of kids. Parents, Thinking about tomorrow. Having to borrow money. And a tired wife. So let me play warden and let you out of your mental cage. Even if it’s the truth, or both you and your wife are dog-tired, why mention it. Same thing with ending with begging on your knees and “Don’t worry about a thing,” and “let’s see what loving you will bring.” I would ditch them too. They are holding you back. Leave them in the cell. Instead escape into fun. Write a new chorus. maybe start the hook with “Let’s break free from the grind, and leave the stress behind.. take a road trip down to the Keys, I know a beach chair in Belize.” that kind of thing. Make it a fun vibe.
Doing so brings the listener along. We want to hear about trip: waking up at a Mayan pyramid, how she won a wet T-shirt contest, swimming with alligators in the jungle, how she fed a baby monkey…
In other words, you’re not just aiming to please, you are the man she needs and believes in.
June 20, 2026
0
Christopher, Im glad you enjoyed this over all. I get your point about needing some more details. Sounds like I need to do a re-write. Thanks for reaching out.
June 21, 2026
0
Robert, thank you for taking the time to honestly express your opinions. Its rare I get great constructive criticism and I welcome it with open arms. I too have felt this song has potential. My honest confession is Iv never been satisfied with this song. Your opinions and insights are valuable to me and have confirmed my thoughts and feelings towards it. Thank you again!
June 21, 2026
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Christopher Mason
Michael, this is a really enjoyable listen. I like the positive, feel-good vibe and the idea of wanting to whisk your wife away from the everyday grind. The “cruise to the Keys / fly to Belize” lines are catchy and paint a nice picture. The lyric flows naturally and feels conversational, which fits the theme well. If I had one suggestion, it would be to add a few more specific details that make their relationship uniquely theirs and give us an even clearer picture of what they’re escaping from. Overall, a fun, uplifting song with a lot of heart. Nice work!
June 20, 2026
No members have liked this comment.