This guy thinks his wife is about to leave him, so he leaves first.
I'm not a huge fan of my bridge but once i get a sound in my head it's hard to stray. Any thoughts on how to change that up?
It's still a work-in-progress with no extra instrumentals added, just to keep in mind.
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You've got your leaving face
Sounds like we're over
You need more than space
Well I'll do you one better:
You can have the house
'Cause I'm leaving this place
Been a long time coming
This ain't nothing new
Each day's the same battle
And I guess that I'm through.
My shields are all broken
I'm laying 'em down
You can keep them, too.
This road that I'm on is well worn
And I've been here a thousand times before.
Found a way out of this trap and I'm not going back.
Out the door
Down the street.
I can hear you calling
And running after me.
Well I've made up my mind.
I'm not turning 'round.
'Cause I'm runnin' free.
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The start does well to draw the listener in, partly through the melancholy chord changes, more because of your voice - perfectly longing, understanding, tired, anxious. Although you didn’t list Cat Stevens in your influences, you should consider capitalizing on how his voice fit into popular music. You’re not copying in any way - you’re unique, that’s best - but just food for thought. You have the same fit, I believe.
I felt you changed to the poppy guitar too quickly. Maybe save that for a bridge, but keep the straightforward picking (then strumming for chorus) a while longer (though I know it’s just a quick cut).
I like the words, but felt there were places where it was too wordy. I don’t mean squish it into iambic pentameter, but clean the speech rhythms up to make it more singable, and, therefore, catchy. This song begs to be catchy. Good Work.
March 27, 2014
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Matt Rees
The start does well to draw the listener in, partly through the melancholy chord changes, more because of your voice - perfectly longing, understanding, tired, anxious. Although you didn’t list Cat Stevens in your influences, you should consider capitalizing on how his voice fit into popular music. You’re not copying in any way - you’re unique, that’s best - but just food for thought. You have the same fit, I believe.
I felt you changed to the poppy guitar too quickly. Maybe save that for a bridge, but keep the straightforward picking (then strumming for chorus) a while longer (though I know it’s just a quick cut).
I like the words, but felt there were places where it was too wordy. I don’t mean squish it into iambic pentameter, but clean the speech rhythms up to make it more singable, and, therefore, catchy. This song begs to be catchy. Good Work.
March 27, 2014
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