Just a girl who is in a happy relationship - but wants the gypsy life of her previous relationship back.
All criticism welcome.
Recorded in bed this morning - WORK IN PROGRESS
Hey Dick,
Thanks so much for the critique. You are probably right in expecting more of the verses to rhyme in some fashion. I’m sure you’re not alone there. I may write an alternate version of the song where I adjust the verses for a friendlier rhyme scheme.
On the other hand, I gave you something to catch your attention, didn’t I? The lack of rhyme forced you to listen harder trying to find some sort of semblance of it…and isn’t that what songwriting is all about? Tricking you into interacting with the song?
March 14, 2014
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Adam,
I agree with Dick about the rhyming. Also I would’ve liked something to be repeated because I didn’t find it memorable. You want your song to be able to get stuck in people’s heads after one listen! Haha. But I love how chill and relaxed it is. And the story and meoldy are nice. Thanks for sharing!
Lach
March 16, 2014
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She's moved onto a better man
She's got something good.
And everything she's ever wanted is hers
She just ask and it's hers.
This ain't the way she knows how to live
It's so simple.
Still as good as it feels tonight,
Something's missing here.
It's only been a year since she walked
Out on the last.
He's never in the same place to long
Always looking for greener grass.
And it's hard to settle down
When the ground's always moving below.
So she took off back to the North
Back on her own.
But sometimes she still sees him in her dreams
And it's like she never left him at all.
How long could the fun go on?
Someone had to grow up.
Word is he's still moving around and she's
Still safe at home.
Already on his third city this year and she's
Still go the same one.
It's nice to know she's not along for the ride.
It's nice to know what's coming each day.
It's nice to know she's got no worries at all, right?
Am I right?
1
Adam,
I love the easy, lazy feel of this. I also think your voice is perfect for this song (Of course! You wrote it.) The only thing that I missed was the almost total lack of rhyme. To me, it was noticeable enough, that when you got to the “out on the last/ looking for greener grass” lines, I actually went “aah” because it sounded so good. I would just encourage more use of rhyme. It really is ear candy.
Good song, though.
March 13, 2014
0
Hey Dick,
Thanks so much for the critique. You are probably right in expecting more of the verses to rhyme in some fashion. I’m sure you’re not alone there. I may write an alternate version of the song where I adjust the verses for a friendlier rhyme scheme.
On the other hand, I gave you something to catch your attention, didn’t I? The lack of rhyme forced you to listen harder trying to find some sort of semblance of it…and isn’t that what songwriting is all about? Tricking you into interacting with the song?
March 14, 2014
0
Adam,
I agree with Dick about the rhyming. Also I would’ve liked something to be repeated because I didn’t find it memorable. You want your song to be able to get stuck in people’s heads after one listen! Haha. But I love how chill and relaxed it is. And the story and meoldy are nice. Thanks for sharing!
Lach
March 16, 2014
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Dick Plunk
Adam,
I love the easy, lazy feel of this. I also think your voice is perfect for this song (Of course! You wrote it.) The only thing that I missed was the almost total lack of rhyme. To me, it was noticeable enough, that when you got to the “out on the last/ looking for greener grass” lines, I actually went “aah” because it sounded so good. I would just encourage more use of rhyme. It really is ear candy.
Good song, though.
March 13, 2014