A song about how I felt when I first discovered death compared to how I feel now that I'm older.
I realize I've got my pitchy parts - I'm no singer. But ways to better the song are always welcome.
Hey Joey, thanks for the extensive critique.
You are quite right about the song being personally specific. I hadn’t even considered that. If I’m going to post a song for the masses to listen to, why not post one they can also relate to? I should be taking my audience into greater consideration!
I appreciate your help.
March 13, 2014
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First Listen:
The guitar riff is interesting and appealing from the first chord. I get the meaning. But I’m not sure what the purpose of this song is for you—seems like you’re ‘writing for you’ more than ‘writing for others’?
Second Listen:
I realize I ask the above question because It’s hard for me to relate to this song. If I were to try to pinpoint why, I’d say I wasn’t “hooked”, instead you seemed to try to draw me in with the sound, but I couldn’t relate with the lyrics. Lots of specific information about your life and childhood, that’s descriptive and well written. But I couldn’t grapple through something similar in my life. If I were listening to this outside of a review, I might pass it up. Shame on me, because it’s nice writing.
If the syllables were less in the lines, they may fit better with the guitar to establish a deeper mood, which may draw me in. Or, maybe I’m not the target audience you’re after.
Either way, I would suggest establishing hook and phrasings for greater audience appeal, if that’s what you’re after. Barbara Cloyd may have further insight into how to establish that “hook” that could get audiences listening in. However, if this is writing ‘for you’ and friends, by all means, I’d enjoy walking into a living room and hearing this song go down.
Your singing is excellent. I didn’t hear a single pitchy note in this! Keep up the great work.
March 12, 2014
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Hey Joey, thanks for the extensive critique.
You are quite right about the song being personally specific. I hadn’t even considered that. If I’m going to post a song for the masses to listen to, why not post one they can also relate to? I should be taking my audience into greater consideration!
I appreciate your help.
March 13, 2014
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Joey Hendrickson
First Listen:
The guitar riff is interesting and appealing from the first chord. I get the meaning. But I’m not sure what the purpose of this song is for you—seems like you’re ‘writing for you’ more than ‘writing for others’?
Second Listen:
I realize I ask the above question because It’s hard for me to relate to this song. If I were to try to pinpoint why, I’d say I wasn’t “hooked”, instead you seemed to try to draw me in with the sound, but I couldn’t relate with the lyrics. Lots of specific information about your life and childhood, that’s descriptive and well written. But I couldn’t grapple through something similar in my life. If I were listening to this outside of a review, I might pass it up. Shame on me, because it’s nice writing.
If the syllables were less in the lines, they may fit better with the guitar to establish a deeper mood, which may draw me in. Or, maybe I’m not the target audience you’re after.
Either way, I would suggest establishing hook and phrasings for greater audience appeal, if that’s what you’re after. Barbara Cloyd may have further insight into how to establish that “hook” that could get audiences listening in. However, if this is writing ‘for you’ and friends, by all means, I’d enjoy walking into a living room and hearing this song go down.
Your singing is excellent. I didn’t hear a single pitchy note in this! Keep up the great work.
March 12, 2014