This is a revised demo of a song I had previously uploaded here. I want to give my appreciation to all the songwriting pro members who listened and gave me suggestions on how to improve the song. I hope you enjoy the revised song and I hope you will let me know what you think.
Always enjoy receiving feedback. The good, bad, and ugly.
Hi Allan,
Nice pop feel to this song and great CH. This song has a great place for a Bridge after the 2nd CH. My favorite line is “And your arms are still around me Tempted back by last night’s sheets.” Good job! Thanks, Brent
August 31, 2021
No members have liked this comment.
Thank you Brad and Uncle Brent, I really appreciate your feedback. It means so much, especially coming from you two guys. I played around with a couple of bridges, but the problem is that the chorus is lengthy.. Even a short bridge took the song close to 4 minutes, which I thought was making it too long. Thanks again.
August 31, 2021
No members have liked this comment.
You must be signed in to post feedback.
Our Bed Is Still Unmade
Words and music by Allan Rosensweig
Verse 1:
Two coffee cups already drank up
Breakfast dishes fill the sink
Fumble with our keys like we’re ready to leave
But It’s never as easy as we think
Now you’re pulling me close til we taste that déjà vu
We both know where this is leading to
Chorus 1 & 2:
Our bed is still unmade
Faded curtains hanging in this room are still closed
Cause we already know
These kisses aint ending anytime soon
And your arms are still around me
Tempted back by last night’s sheets
We’re running so late
And our bed is still unmade
Verse 2:
That sleepy sunrise heard every goodbye
But we’re not walking out the door
Promising to try leaving on time
But we’ve told each other that lie before
Now we’re both giving in to this last minute rendezvous
Leaving is always so hard to do
Chorus 3:
Oh our bed is still unmade
You know our bed is still unmade
Faded curtains hanging in this room are still closed
Cause we already know
These kisses aint ending anytime soon
And your arms are still around me
Tempted back by last night’s sheets
We’re running so late
And our bed is still unmade
We’re running so late
And our bed is still unmade
Copyright 2021 by Allan M. Rosensweig
0
Love the melody. And the rhyme scheme is really nice. I was thinking there would be a bridge. Not sure how much more time you want to put into it, but a bridge could give you another dimension to the story. Just a thought. But, good stuff all around.
August 21, 2021
0
Hi Allan,
Nice pop feel to this song and great CH. This song has a great place for a Bridge after the 2nd CH. My favorite line is “And your arms are still around me Tempted back by last night’s sheets.” Good job! Thanks, Brent
August 31, 2021
0
Thank you Brad and Uncle Brent, I really appreciate your feedback. It means so much, especially coming from you two guys. I played around with a couple of bridges, but the problem is that the chorus is lengthy.. Even a short bridge took the song close to 4 minutes, which I thought was making it too long. Thanks again.
August 31, 2021
Do you want to have this song reviewed by an industry professional or a hit songwriter? Click on any of the professionals below to purchase your review.
Brent Baxter:
Pro Songwriter
$25.00/Song
Sam & Becca Mizell:
Hit Songwriters
$50.00/Song
Tell your peers about professional song reviews on Songwriting Pro.
×
BRAD MAYS
Love the melody. And the rhyme scheme is really nice. I was thinking there would be a bridge. Not sure how much more time you want to put into it, but a bridge could give you another dimension to the story. Just a thought. But, good stuff all around.
August 21, 2021
No members have liked this comment.