I'm looking for some feedback on this one. It's a special song to me personally, but never thought of it as a song to pitch. I recently remixed this guitar/vocal of it. I'll take a simple thumbs up or thumbs down on it. Thanks in advance for the feedback!
Hey Rick, this is such a touching and loving tribute to your dad. If this song is simply your gift to him and nobody else, then I would it’s just perfect! However, I know that you mostly lean toward writing commercially, so I have a few suggestions for you to mull over. I believe the song would be much stronger and more easy to remember if you had just one chorus that fits all verses. You could take what you call your most important lines from each chorus and put them together. For example:
That man taught me what life is about
How to get back up whenever I was down
from my first steps, my first bike,
to my first car, my first heartbreak
He knew just what to do or say
To pick me up, to talk with me
That man, he can fix anything
Without him around, God knows where I’d be right now
I hope I make my Daddy proud..
You might come up with something far better, but that was just food for thought.. I also agree with what RK said about differentiating the chorus from the verse melodically.
I love the emotion in your song. It’s a choker-upper, for sure!
Linne Black
January 25, 2020
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Thank you, Richard, and thank you, Linne. I appreciate the honest feedback. That’s exactly what I was looking for. I didn’t think it was the next big hit song, but I thought I’d throw it up here just to make sure. Thank you again for the feedback.
January 27, 2020
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Me, I love personal songs and this one hits the mark nice feel and well crafted and the best thing is it has a strong meaning for you, I don’t think a lot of stuff that comes out of Nashville these days has that feel well done
January 29, 2020
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Thank you very much, Joseph. I really appreciate that a lot. This song is not all 100% my Dad. A lot of it is made up, but then a lot of it describes him very well. It sounds like, from the comments from everyone, that I did okay with getting some emotion across. You know, one of my all time favorite country songs is Something To Be Proud Of by Montgomery Gentry. When I wrote this song, that was the style of song and artist I was hearing in my head. My guitar/vocal demo definitely doesn’t sound like a Montgomery Gentry song, for sure. Ironically, that song also changes up the words from chorus to chorus, just like I did with my song, but my different choruses confuse the listener a bit. This is really fun and interesting to get feedback on songs from different people. It’s interesting to hear different perspectives. Thanks again for the feedback!
January 29, 2020
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I love it! I just joined today and listening to some artists on here, and boy, all your songs have hit home. I dont even know what i’d change about them, I was just lost in the lyrics. Great voice too, love it!
February 03, 2020
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Thank you very much, Mike! I really appreciate that. I wouldn’t say great voice though. Lol. Serviceable? Workable maybe? If you know anything about recording and mixing, a lot of comping and overdubs, and autotune. Lol. But aside all that, I really appreciate your kind words. I look forward to hearing some of your songs on here. I just joined recently too. Make sure you check out all of those videos that Brent’s posted. Those are where you’ll get way more than your money’s worth. I joined for those lessons alone, but I’m really liking the ability to get some good, quick feedback on new songs.
February 04, 2020
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Great tune Rick, I think this is a song that many of us can relate to. In my opinion this song is very pitchable and moving. The lyrics are very real and descriptive, paints a great picture. Great job! Wish you much success on your musical journey!
March 11, 2020
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MAKE MY DADDY PROUD
(Written by: Rick Allan Lane)
My old man, he’s a tell it like he sees it
No beatin’ around the bush
No bull, no sugarcoat
He’ll tell you what he’s thinkin’
Growin’ up, I don’t think he ever hit me
But the tone he had in his voice
And that stare was all it took
To strike the fear of God in me
But all I can say about that tough old man
He’s a heart of gold who gave me everything he had
Chorus
That man taught me what life is about
He’s been there whenever I fell down
From my first steps, to my first bike
He’s been there right by my side
To pick me up, or show me the way
I can see his grin as I peddled away
Without him around, God knows where I’d be right now
I hope I make my Daddy Proud
Barely sixteen when I had to call home
To say I ran off the road
With my Dad’s new car, I thought I was dead
And he came there right away
But he looked at me and he said with a smile
Son, cars can be replaced
But your loved ones can’t be
So I’m just glad that you’re okay
Then the time in high school when my first real love broke up
Like a friend he was there to help me pick those pieces up
Chorus
That man taught me what life is about
He was there whenever I broke down
In my first car, from my first heartbreak
He knew just what to do or say
To pick me up, or talk with me
That man, he can fix anything
Without him around, God knows where I’d be right now
I hope I make my Daddy Proud
Bridge
Proud of who I am
The man that I’ve become
The things I’ve done
Proud of his only son
Chorus
That man who taught me what life is about
He’s gettin’ older and a little slower now
And his hair is gray, but he’s still the same
That tough old man, he’ll never change
Without him around, God knows where I’d be right now
I hope I make my Daddy Proud
Copyright © Rick Allan Lane
0
Rick:
I can tell this means a great deal to you, a personal statement, etc. and there are some good descriptive lines here, I just think changing the words so much on each ch, kind of deletes the unity of the song overall. I wouldn’t really know where the CH was without the lyric in front of me. That said, it really is quite touching. You might also want to change the rhythm and length of notes in the melody in the ch to differentiate it more from the verse. Keep writing!
RK
January 24, 2020
0
Hey Rick, this is such a touching and loving tribute to your dad. If this song is simply your gift to him and nobody else, then I would it’s just perfect! However, I know that you mostly lean toward writing commercially, so I have a few suggestions for you to mull over. I believe the song would be much stronger and more easy to remember if you had just one chorus that fits all verses. You could take what you call your most important lines from each chorus and put them together. For example:
That man taught me what life is about
How to get back up whenever I was down
from my first steps, my first bike,
to my first car, my first heartbreak
He knew just what to do or say
To pick me up, to talk with me
That man, he can fix anything
Without him around, God knows where I’d be right now
I hope I make my Daddy proud..
You might come up with something far better, but that was just food for thought.. I also agree with what RK said about differentiating the chorus from the verse melodically.
I love the emotion in your song. It’s a choker-upper, for sure!
Linne Black
January 25, 2020
0
Thank you, Richard, and thank you, Linne. I appreciate the honest feedback. That’s exactly what I was looking for. I didn’t think it was the next big hit song, but I thought I’d throw it up here just to make sure. Thank you again for the feedback.
January 27, 2020
0
Me, I love personal songs and this one hits the mark nice feel and well crafted and the best thing is it has a strong meaning for you, I don’t think a lot of stuff that comes out of Nashville these days has that feel well done
January 29, 2020
0
Thank you very much, Joseph. I really appreciate that a lot. This song is not all 100% my Dad. A lot of it is made up, but then a lot of it describes him very well. It sounds like, from the comments from everyone, that I did okay with getting some emotion across. You know, one of my all time favorite country songs is Something To Be Proud Of by Montgomery Gentry. When I wrote this song, that was the style of song and artist I was hearing in my head. My guitar/vocal demo definitely doesn’t sound like a Montgomery Gentry song, for sure. Ironically, that song also changes up the words from chorus to chorus, just like I did with my song, but my different choruses confuse the listener a bit. This is really fun and interesting to get feedback on songs from different people. It’s interesting to hear different perspectives. Thanks again for the feedback!
January 29, 2020
0
I love it! I just joined today and listening to some artists on here, and boy, all your songs have hit home. I dont even know what i’d change about them, I was just lost in the lyrics. Great voice too, love it!
February 03, 2020
0
Thank you very much, Mike! I really appreciate that. I wouldn’t say great voice though. Lol. Serviceable? Workable maybe? If you know anything about recording and mixing, a lot of comping and overdubs, and autotune. Lol. But aside all that, I really appreciate your kind words. I look forward to hearing some of your songs on here. I just joined recently too. Make sure you check out all of those videos that Brent’s posted. Those are where you’ll get way more than your money’s worth. I joined for those lessons alone, but I’m really liking the ability to get some good, quick feedback on new songs.
February 04, 2020
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Richard Kirk
Rick:
I can tell this means a great deal to you, a personal statement, etc. and there are some good descriptive lines here, I just think changing the words so much on each ch, kind of deletes the unity of the song overall. I wouldn’t really know where the CH was without the lyric in front of me. That said, it really is quite touching. You might also want to change the rhythm and length of notes in the melody in the ch to differentiate it more from the verse. Keep writing!
RK
January 24, 2020
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