Boy meets girl, boy writes song for girl. When I tell her I love her, there's a kind of mutual strength and vulnerability in it. I tried to play these emotions off of one another. It's the first love song I've ever written.
The key change from verse to pre chorus to chorus is something I thought would be fitting and contribute to the feeling of movement in the song, particularly upward movement. I also wanted this movement to feel natural, and effortless. Does it work?
There are so many things I really like about this song: your voice, the delicate harmonies, the easy flow, and I particularly love the unexpected chord changes. Keeps it interesting.
I read Dick’s comment above about incorporating something familiar like a chorus, and as a songwriting technique I have to agree. It grounds people in the big idea behind the song, it lets us know what’s important. Of course, there are many successful songs that break this rule, and this may have been intentional on your part. But since you’re categorizing yourself as a “pop” artist, it seems like most “pop” songs do seem to have choruses with strong hooks. It might make a difference in having your songs break-out in the pop arena.
Anyway, that aside, it’s a beautiful song, beautifully executed.
March 05, 2014
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TIme slips away, like balloons with strings
You can try and track it, and never come up with much of anything
Lately I'm not so concerned with, bringing anything down
Now that I'm holding your hand girl I can't seem to keep these feet on the ground
I used to stare up at the sun, until it'd hurt my eyes
But now I don't look down, no I'm not afraid of hights
Whipping in the wind did your sails get torn?
Oh you know where we're going, we don't need to know the roads
So clear out all the drawers, we're headed for the place where the lovers in love all go
What are we waiting for?
Oh you're taking me higher than I've ever been before
Keep hanging on
Because we're going up 4x
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JT - beautiful lyric and melody. I (as usual) really like your guitar work. Also, the harmony you sparsely added really works.
Critiquewise - because nothing is repeated (except what I think is a tag at the end), I couldn’t tell what was verse, pre-chorus, or chorus. That does not hinder the beauty of the song at all. However, as I listened, I kept waiting for something to repeat that a listener could sing along with or latch onto as being “familiar” and it didn’t happen. I think providing the listener with something to wait for as being “familiar” is part of the purpose of a chorus or a refrain. This is beautiful as it stands, but think about the concept of repetition and what listeners look for in a song.
Good job. And yes - Frettie is a great thing for songwriters to interact easily in this overly busy world.
November 16, 2013
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There are so many things I really like about this song: your voice, the delicate harmonies, the easy flow, and I particularly love the unexpected chord changes. Keeps it interesting.
I read Dick’s comment above about incorporating something familiar like a chorus, and as a songwriting technique I have to agree. It grounds people in the big idea behind the song, it lets us know what’s important. Of course, there are many successful songs that break this rule, and this may have been intentional on your part. But since you’re categorizing yourself as a “pop” artist, it seems like most “pop” songs do seem to have choruses with strong hooks. It might make a difference in having your songs break-out in the pop arena.
Anyway, that aside, it’s a beautiful song, beautifully executed.
March 05, 2014
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Dick Plunk
JT - beautiful lyric and melody. I (as usual) really like your guitar work. Also, the harmony you sparsely added really works.
Critiquewise - because nothing is repeated (except what I think is a tag at the end), I couldn’t tell what was verse, pre-chorus, or chorus. That does not hinder the beauty of the song at all. However, as I listened, I kept waiting for something to repeat that a listener could sing along with or latch onto as being “familiar” and it didn’t happen. I think providing the listener with something to wait for as being “familiar” is part of the purpose of a chorus or a refrain. This is beautiful as it stands, but think about the concept of repetition and what listeners look for in a song.
Good job. And yes - Frettie is a great thing for songwriters to interact easily in this overly busy world.
November 16, 2013
No members have liked this comment.