This song is about supporting someone you love in leaving to become the person they want to become.
I would like feedback on the overall song, the melody, lyrics and structure.
Your feedback is spot on, Frank; thanks. I’ve already made an edit to cut half of the musical part after the first chorus and I’ve also been wondering about cutting the 2nd verse in half. If it stays, I’ll make the 2nd part of the 2nd verse contrast by making it stronger with instrumentation and performance. Thanks again.
May 05, 2019
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I agree with Frank (slight Simon & Garfunkel flavor). I like the lyric, though it may be a bit “soft” for this hard-edged world we seem to inhabit. Lyrically, wish the chorus was a little more “direct” and less “soft like the clouds” (maybe a little more “standing in contrast to the verse”). Also agree that a little “tightening up in general” would probably be helpful. Anyway, best of luck)
May 30, 2019
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When you’re leaving believe in me
I believe in you leaving me
When you leave it will set you free
When you come to the open sea
Then you look back so quietly
In a moment you’ll soon be free
Ride wild horses
Stand before us
You have come so far
Live your own dream
You won’t need me
You don’t need to hide
When you’re leaving you turn to me
In your eyes I can start to see
We’re a page in your history
When you’re writing the next big scene
With your name on the grand marquee
Take us places we’ve never seen
Ride wild horses
Stand before us
You have come so far
Live your own dream
You won’t need me
You don’t need to hide
When you’re writing the final scene
If the road leads you back to me
It’s your moment to set me free
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Hi Andrew, nice song! Reminds me to Simon & Garfunkel. It may sound a bit dated for todays market, but it may depend on final production. The lyric is nice, a bit poetic, but it’s understandable and I could relate to it. I would recommend to tighten the song a bit, maybe skip the musical part after the chorus (at least once) and maybe half the second verse and repeat the chorus once again. All in all it could be more dense for my taste, but nice work man!
May 05, 2019
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Your feedback is spot on, Frank; thanks. I’ve already made an edit to cut half of the musical part after the first chorus and I’ve also been wondering about cutting the 2nd verse in half. If it stays, I’ll make the 2nd part of the 2nd verse contrast by making it stronger with instrumentation and performance. Thanks again.
May 05, 2019
0
I agree with Frank (slight Simon & Garfunkel flavor). I like the lyric, though it may be a bit “soft” for this hard-edged world we seem to inhabit. Lyrically, wish the chorus was a little more “direct” and less “soft like the clouds” (maybe a little more “standing in contrast to the verse”). Also agree that a little “tightening up in general” would probably be helpful. Anyway, best of luck)
May 30, 2019
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Frank Renfordt
Hi Andrew, nice song! Reminds me to Simon & Garfunkel. It may sound a bit dated for todays market, but it may depend on final production. The lyric is nice, a bit poetic, but it’s understandable and I could relate to it. I would recommend to tighten the song a bit, maybe skip the musical part after the chorus (at least once) and maybe half the second verse and repeat the chorus once again. All in all it could be more dense for my taste, but nice work man!
May 05, 2019
No members have liked this comment.