Hey everybody! This is the second take at a song I wrote awhile ago called "Hold On." I'm imagining a kid rock/Chris Stapleton style male vocal and nasty rock country guitar with heavy drums. I got a lot of feedback the first time about making sure the story is consistent. I think I fixed the story!
Please overlook my voice on this, its early and my voice was cracking. I would appreciate feedback on the lyrics. Just something I recorded with my cell phone.
Hi Noora
I am more of a melody guy, but I will offer my two cents on melody and lyrics. Actually, I don’t have much to say about the melody. I think it’s really strong. The only thing I felt is that maybe it took to long to get to the chorus. Maybe. I’ll just offer a couple of things… Just my humble opinion… on the words. You may want to keep your chorus consistent. It’s always stronger song if you can do that… Of course, there are exceptions. The line that threw me is the line about seeing through your tears… Maybe that’s just me
Really nice song!
Mark
October 12, 2018
Two lines in the song that I think are really good starting points (in large part because they’re lyrically specific/evocative/paint a verbal picture): “I know why your key’s in that ignition” and “I know why you went to church on Sunday”—but after those first lines in those verses, you basically stop “painting those specific verbal pictures”—I wanted you to let me know SPECIFICALLY “WHY you said those lines”—see, I wanted more of the specific colors, but then you seemed to retreat into cliches and platitudes for the most part.
A fishing analogy: you got me interested and nibbling, BUT YOU DIDN’T SET THE HOOK, and you let me (the listener) get away.
Hope this makes sense.
Best wishes in all your songwriting endeavors.
October 31, 2018
Sandra, I left out any “performance comments” because, from what I could tell, you weren’t interested in that sort of feedback (which of course is fine).
October 31, 2018
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Hi Sandra,
I love your song, and think it has a poignant and powerful emotional message, that your melody and simple chord structure (for now, I know it’s a work in progress), and vocals work together great!
You have a lot of great lines in the song, but my favorite is probably, “Baby before you put that car in gear, I’m telling you to come back here and hold on,” because it gives me hope that the main character has changed her gypsy thinking somewhat, and realizes she doesn’t want to lose him forever.
Great writing and great song!
Best,
Reid
March 31, 2019
No members have liked this comment.
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I know why your key is in that ignition
I know why you said you couldnt stay
Just call it my cowboy intuition
Always knew who I am would drive you away
I was always known for losing track of time
I cant explain what I do or say
Theres a million more things that make you cry
But I"m just asking you to stay
1st Chorus:
I'm hard to love, I told you that way back when
I got a drifters soul, won't find no moss on this rolling stone
but its you and me and all these years
I got used to saying through your tears hold on
I know why you went to church on Sunday
Sometimes your prayers make it through that closed bedroom door
You thought I could use a little help to change my ways
But how come you never left before
2nd Chorus:
I'm hard to love, I told you that way back when
I got a gypsy soul, won't find no moss on this rolling stone
It was day by day and it turned to years
I got used to saying through your tears hold on
Bridge:
Hold on, Hold on
Baby before you put that car in gear, I'm telling you to come back here and hold on.
1
I really like it, or actually I love it. That melody is just awesome (I was singing along). But I needed some little details to your lyrics: what was the final straw the man left? Beside that the word ‘moss’ kinda bounced to my ears. Could there be some other word which will blend better with other words…
October 10, 2018
1
Hi Noora
I am more of a melody guy, but I will offer my two cents on melody and lyrics. Actually, I don’t have much to say about the melody. I think it’s really strong. The only thing I felt is that maybe it took to long to get to the chorus. Maybe. I’ll just offer a couple of things… Just my humble opinion… on the words. You may want to keep your chorus consistent. It’s always stronger song if you can do that… Of course, there are exceptions. The line that threw me is the line about seeing through your tears… Maybe that’s just me
Really nice song!
Mark
October 12, 2018
1
Two lines in the song that I think are really good starting points (in large part because they’re lyrically specific/evocative/paint a verbal picture): “I know why your key’s in that ignition” and “I know why you went to church on Sunday”—but after those first lines in those verses, you basically stop “painting those specific verbal pictures”—I wanted you to let me know SPECIFICALLY “WHY you said those lines”—see, I wanted more of the specific colors, but then you seemed to retreat into cliches and platitudes for the most part.
A fishing analogy: you got me interested and nibbling, BUT YOU DIDN’T SET THE HOOK, and you let me (the listener) get away.
Hope this makes sense.
Best wishes in all your songwriting endeavors.
October 31, 2018
0
Sandra, I left out any “performance comments” because, from what I could tell, you weren’t interested in that sort of feedback (which of course is fine).
October 31, 2018
0
Hi Sandra,
I love your song, and think it has a poignant and powerful emotional message, that your melody and simple chord structure (for now, I know it’s a work in progress), and vocals work together great!
You have a lot of great lines in the song, but my favorite is probably, “Baby before you put that car in gear, I’m telling you to come back here and hold on,” because it gives me hope that the main character has changed her gypsy thinking somewhat, and realizes she doesn’t want to lose him forever.
Great writing and great song!
Best,
Reid
March 31, 2019
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Noora S
I really like it, or actually I love it. That melody is just awesome (I was singing along). But I needed some little details to your lyrics: what was the final straw the man left? Beside that the word ‘moss’ kinda bounced to my ears. Could there be some other word which will blend better with other words…
October 10, 2018