This is a new studio version of the song I had posted earlier. It recently won an Honorable Mention in the Mid-Atlantic Song Contest.
I don't think a song is ever finished. Any and all feedback is welcome.
Thanks, Brent! Maybe I was trying to be too economical with this. If I get a chance to redo this song, I’ll keep your advice in mind, always appreciated!
January 08, 2018
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This is screaming Gordon Lightfoot to me very cool vibe. Love the music . I think u used all around me twice right there in the begging once with fallen stars and then falling around u , it caught my ear. The line cup of coffee , music of a radio that’s all I know kinda caught my ear as strange . Maybe check the last line out….I love the melodie..
January 14, 2018
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Thanks, Kevin! I appreciate your feedback. It really helps me to know what listeners think are effective lines add well as those that people get hung up on. Glad you like the tune.
January 15, 2018
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When You Found Me
© 2017 Michael R. J. Roth
They should’ve named a ghost town after me.
I could've been a hero
On a black and white TV,
Where I just stood my ground
While every falling star just fell
Like ashes all around.
Yeah, that was me.
Chorus:
And when you found me,
The ruins of my life lay all around me.
And when you came to me
I saw an angel walking on a troubled sea.
You reached into my heart
And rescued me.
In a cafe, in Santa Fe, New Mexico,
The dust and sweat of a working day
Falling off my clothes,
You walked up to me
With just a cup of coffee
And the music of a radio.
That’s all I know.
(Chorus)
When I saw you in the morning light,
I knew the reason for the morning
and the meaning of the light.
When you kissed me in the dark,
I understood without a doubt
the reason for my heart
Was in your smile.
(Chorus)
0
Hey, Michael- thanks for sharing this with us. And congrats on the “honorable mention.”
Really cool first line. I like that you’re painting a salt-of-the-earth old fashioned cowboy, but I think “i could’ve been a hero” is a little to vain. If there’s another way of saying it, I think that’d help.
Also, I think you have two ideas fighting for control here. One is an old-fashioned cowboy falling in love. The other is a man that in is the depths of despair or coming of some sort of tragedy when she finds him.
I’m more attracted to the Chris Ledoux cowboy angle than the “you rescued me” angle. Right now, I have no idea why he needs rescuing. In the 2nd verse, it doesn’t address it at all- just seems he meets here after a hard day’s work.
Yeah, I’d focus your idea/angle more.
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
January 08, 2018
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Thanks, Brent! Maybe I was trying to be too economical with this. If I get a chance to redo this song, I’ll keep your advice in mind, always appreciated!
January 08, 2018
0
This is screaming Gordon Lightfoot to me very cool vibe. Love the music . I think u used all around me twice right there in the begging once with fallen stars and then falling around u , it caught my ear. The line cup of coffee , music of a radio that’s all I know kinda caught my ear as strange . Maybe check the last line out….I love the melodie..
January 14, 2018
0
Thanks, Kevin! I appreciate your feedback. It really helps me to know what listeners think are effective lines add well as those that people get hung up on. Glad you like the tune.
January 15, 2018
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Hey, Michael- thanks for sharing this with us. And congrats on the “honorable mention.”
Really cool first line. I like that you’re painting a salt-of-the-earth old fashioned cowboy, but I think “i could’ve been a hero” is a little to vain. If there’s another way of saying it, I think that’d help.
Also, I think you have two ideas fighting for control here. One is an old-fashioned cowboy falling in love. The other is a man that in is the depths of despair or coming of some sort of tragedy when she finds him.
I’m more attracted to the Chris Ledoux cowboy angle than the “you rescued me” angle. Right now, I have no idea why he needs rescuing. In the 2nd verse, it doesn’t address it at all- just seems he meets here after a hard day’s work.
Yeah, I’d focus your idea/angle more.
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
January 08, 2018
No members have liked this comment.