Based on my time in Seattle.
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I like this song. It’s pretty much in Celtic style and reminds me to some songs of Mark Knopfler, who is one of my heroes. I think if you would avoid the breaks in the vocal melody in the chorus and tie the lines more together it would have a better flow and there would be more contrast between verse and chorus.
February 20, 2018
This song has a nice feel to it, although it doesn’t quite flow in some parts. You could make the 1st verse clearer. Just a little rewriting here and there. But I like the poetic style of this song. Well done.
February 21, 2018
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Wow, I’ll take Mark Knopfler! Thanks for the feedback. I’ve tried to play with the flow to avoid the breaks. Sometimes I can pull it off, but it’s hard.
September 24, 2018
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Homeless Sky
© 2018 Michael R. J. Roth
I'm really not a drinkin' man
I come here for the atmosphere
A stone's throw from the Goodwill store
Where the wounded drag in from the battle
On the invisible front of the new civil war
While I'm nursing a beer in Seattle
Chorus:
And the morning fog will steal your dreams
Like a wallet from your shabby coat
Before your very eyes
Life never measures up, it seems
To that poetry you like to quote
Beneath the homeless sky
The homeless sky
Body shops on boomtown streets
It's not the town it meant to be
It always wants a little more
And who am I to begrudge them
The evergreen air is perfect and pure
But it carries the odor of judgment
(Chorus)
I'll sleep beneath a highway bridge
When the weather gets too drunk again
Every day's a poker hand
My luck ran out at the age of seven
I feel like a sailor lost out at sea
Searching for signs in the heavens
(Chorus)
0
I guess I would like a verse about the homeless sky (not just the chorus) just to put it all together. I hope you have a better experience next time in Seattle.
February 19, 2018
1
I like this song. It’s pretty much in Celtic style and reminds me to some songs of Mark Knopfler, who is one of my heroes. I think if you would avoid the breaks in the vocal melody in the chorus and tie the lines more together it would have a better flow and there would be more contrast between verse and chorus.
February 20, 2018
0
This song has a nice feel to it, although it doesn’t quite flow in some parts. You could make the 1st verse clearer. Just a little rewriting here and there. But I like the poetic style of this song. Well done.
February 21, 2018
0
Wow, I’ll take Mark Knopfler! Thanks for the feedback. I’ve tried to play with the flow to avoid the breaks. Sometimes I can pull it off, but it’s hard.
September 24, 2018
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Ani Bergman
I guess I would like a verse about the homeless sky (not just the chorus) just to put it all together. I hope you have a better experience next time in Seattle.
February 19, 2018
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