A beautiful girl who lures boys on. My awesome tracks are done by Brian Jensen. 
track, lyrics, any feedback:)
Hey, never mind my “cavalier” comment above. I was thinking of it as a noun and not an adjective. I learned something also! Sorry…
Phillip
April 29, 2017
Hey Amber - I think you’ve got a great start here! The melody feels pretty good and the topic is something people can relate to.
Regarding perspective - (to piggyback on Phillip’s comment above) I actually heard 3 different points of view. For most of the song you are singing directly to the guy, then the first and 5th lines of the chorus sound (to me) like you are talking to the “cavalier girl” directly, then it switches back to talking to the guy, and then (as Phillip noted) the second half of the chorus is in third person. I think the decision to sing ABOUT the girl TO the guy is a good one - so I’d stick with that and fixing the other parts to be consistent would be simple enough. If it was me I might make the first line of the chorus “She’s a Cavalier, Cavalier girl.” Just to keep it clear that you are talking about her not to her.
Another thing I would look at is meter. There were some places where the lyrics felt a little choppy. Not bad, they just need a little tweaking to make them flow a little more. The one that I can remember for sure right now was in the line “flirting will destroy his word” - it feels like “flir” was held out too long and there needed to be more syllables. This is probably because the corresponding line in the first half of the chorus (she doesn’t see your heart in her world) has 9 syllables and the flirting line only has 7. This causes you to draw out the words more to make them fit the musical phrase. Something I sometimes do is speaking the words out loud without any music or melody to try to feel the rhythm and find where the pulse is. This can help identify any spots that feel awkward or that just don’t match up with the rest of the song.
Hope this is helpful in some way and keep writing!!
May 01, 2017
Thank you both for your feedback, your feedback was very very helpful and I very much appreciate your time.Sean I really like the idea of She’s a Cavalier, Cavalier girl! Thanks again!
May 02, 2017
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her pale blue eyes
her rose colored lips
she has you wrapped around her fingertips
tells her friends you'd buy her pearls
how your on bended knee just to be in her world
school crush, beauty queen
she knows she has your heart
your caught up in a dream
your attention is such a rush
she loves how easily she makes you blush
love blind to a gold digger
better dodge a bullet
cause her fingers on a trigger
chorus
cavalier, cavalier girl
she doesn't see your heart in her world
status and praise is her trueloves kiss
your just a teenage boy who's loosing his wish
cavalier, cavalier girl
flirting will destroy his world
love is a game she like to play
watch her slay his heart once he thinks her can stay
I've known you so many years
never seen your brown eyes cry those tears
it's hard to tell you just what your worth
when your mind is all wrapped up in her
you fell hard into her trap
feeling like your lost, I want to get you back
can I get your back
love blind to a gold digger
better dodge a bullet
cause her fingers on a trigger
chorus
1
Hi Amber! I get where you’re going with the song, but I don’t understand the title. By definition, I don’t get how a woman can be cavalier.
Also, you’ve got a point of view problem in the chorus. The whole song is you singing to the guy (first person), but in the last four lines of the chorus, you change to third person. Should be “Flirting will destroy your world” and “Watch her slay your heart once you think you can stay”.
Keep writing!
Phillip
April 29, 2017
1
Hey, never mind my “cavalier” comment above. I was thinking of it as a noun and not an adjective. I learned something also! Sorry…
Phillip
April 29, 2017
1
Hey Amber - I think you’ve got a great start here! The melody feels pretty good and the topic is something people can relate to.
Regarding perspective - (to piggyback on Phillip’s comment above) I actually heard 3 different points of view. For most of the song you are singing directly to the guy, then the first and 5th lines of the chorus sound (to me) like you are talking to the “cavalier girl” directly, then it switches back to talking to the guy, and then (as Phillip noted) the second half of the chorus is in third person. I think the decision to sing ABOUT the girl TO the guy is a good one - so I’d stick with that and fixing the other parts to be consistent would be simple enough. If it was me I might make the first line of the chorus “She’s a Cavalier, Cavalier girl.” Just to keep it clear that you are talking about her not to her.
Another thing I would look at is meter. There were some places where the lyrics felt a little choppy. Not bad, they just need a little tweaking to make them flow a little more. The one that I can remember for sure right now was in the line “flirting will destroy his word” - it feels like “flir” was held out too long and there needed to be more syllables. This is probably because the corresponding line in the first half of the chorus (she doesn’t see your heart in her world) has 9 syllables and the flirting line only has 7. This causes you to draw out the words more to make them fit the musical phrase. Something I sometimes do is speaking the words out loud without any music or melody to try to feel the rhythm and find where the pulse is. This can help identify any spots that feel awkward or that just don’t match up with the rest of the song.
Hope this is helpful in some way and keep writing!!
May 01, 2017
0
Thank you both for your feedback, your feedback was very very helpful and I very much appreciate your time.Sean I really like the idea of She’s a Cavalier, Cavalier girl! Thanks again!
May 02, 2017
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Phillip Lemmonds
Hi Amber! I get where you’re going with the song, but I don’t understand the title. By definition, I don’t get how a woman can be cavalier.
Also, you’ve got a point of view problem in the chorus. The whole song is you singing to the guy (first person), but in the last four lines of the chorus, you change to third person. Should be “Flirting will destroy your world” and “Watch her slay your heart once you think you can stay”.
Keep writing!
Phillip
April 29, 2017