This is offering #2 from SongTopic song prompt...hopefully the lyrics make it clear what its about.
General response. What feels awkward? What feels good?
Dick, you’ve picked up the great struggle for me in this song and in “Back To You”. That second verse was originally where I started going with the whole feel of the verses but couldn’t find a good way to not make it sound like bad rap… So I came back to it for contrast in second verse…the bain of my existence as a songwriter…the dreaded second verse! I’m really thankful for the feedback thats is both constructive and positive.
February 25, 2014
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Somewhere in here was a man I used to know
Before the years before I left my heart behind
You might not see it now but there used to be a time
When I didn't force my feelings down when I rose above my pride.
when I rose above my pride.
CHORUS:
I think when I used to laugh out loud, laugh out loud
I blink back tears that I can’t cry, I (won’t try)
These choices that I made before I knew
The consequences that I can’t undo
head over heart
I used to be a poet, I used to be the player, I used to like to write the songs
Now I’m too afraid to lead it, can’t believe to pray it, I can barely sing along
Head over heart, I put my head over heart
1
Lots of good stuff in here. I like the lyric and love the feel of the chorus. The “I used to be a poet…..” groove is really good. I wondered if that groove could be used in all of the your verses and then you go into the chorus which is more elongated and get a great contrast.
February 24, 2014
0
Dick, you’ve picked up the great struggle for me in this song and in “Back To You”. That second verse was originally where I started going with the whole feel of the verses but couldn’t find a good way to not make it sound like bad rap… So I came back to it for contrast in second verse…the bain of my existence as a songwriter…the dreaded second verse! I’m really thankful for the feedback thats is both constructive and positive.
February 25, 2014
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Dick Plunk
Lots of good stuff in here. I like the lyric and love the feel of the chorus. The “I used to be a poet…..” groove is really good. I wondered if that groove could be used in all of the your verses and then you go into the chorus which is more elongated and get a great contrast.
February 24, 2014