I changed the song name from Falling down to Absolute Eyes and added some violin.
What do you think of the arrangement?
Orion,
Nice Vocals. I agree with Lach’s comments.
The chorus doesn’t quite work.
Either you’ll fall down, or you won’t.
Most choruses seem stronger.. if they don’t change. Since you didn’t change the chorus, the song doesn’t seem to work.
I suggest you solidify your thoughts. Where do you want the song to go? What do you want to say? I’m guessing you’ll see you have more work to do.
February 20, 2014
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Hi Orion
Nice melody and vocals but I agree with the comments above - I’m not really sure what you’re trying to convey with the lyrics - did you (as the songs narrator) not listen to someone before and in consequence let them down in some way - and NOW you’re listening and promising not to let that happen again? I’m sort of guessing here. In some songs that kind of lyrical “grey area” can work well - but with the emotion you’re bringing to your vocal delivery (which are great) the content seems (to me at least) to be too vague to justify the emotion. I guess what I’m saying is that the lyrics seem too unfocused for the immediacy of the melody and for your voice. But i did like the melody! Cheers!
February 20, 2014
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Lachelle, Charlie and Don,
The song is about listening and promising not to let someone down again. Maybe I should keep the title as falling down? What should the emotion sound like ? In my mind I tried my best to explain and deliver the sense of forgiveness after a mistake has been made. The bridge speaks for itself. I guess I should rewrite the chorus or the entire song. Check out don’t leave and let me know if you feel the same way. I have a hard time indentifing what I’m saying exactly and other times it comes to me. Thank you for the insight.
February 20, 2014
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Maybe if you changed the chorus to “I will never stay down” and the bridge to “I’ll never stay” or something of the like, it would bring it together… Then it gives the idea that yeah you might fall, but you’ll always get back up. Cos in all reality, we will continue to make mistakes since we’re only human, so never falling down is quite impossible.
February 21, 2014
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Love the violin. What an addition. I agree with the above comments. Great vocals and music but not real sure where the lyrics are taking me.
February 24, 2014
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VS1
Laying down and sinking into my bed.
You were looking at me from above.
My consequence has made me realize
I never looked into your absolute eyes
Chorus
I will listen now
I will never fall down
I will listen now
I will never fall down…
VS2
Pushing forward and finding my name
Everything has brought me shame today
I will fall down to get up again
To show you I’m strong
Bridge
I made mistakes today
I’m here to stay
I’m here to stay
0
Orion,
I like the feel of this song a lot. Something I could see myself listening to. Especially the build at the end. It definitely sounds more awesome with the violin!
I think the only problem I have in terms of connecting with this song is the lyrics… I don’t quite understand the story line of this song. What I have gathered is that this chick thinks you’re weak, and you’ve decided that you’re gonna listen to her advice and become a stronger person, thus never “falling down”. The breakdown of this idea for me is the bridge… I’m not sure what the mistake is that you’ve made, and where it is that you’re staying. It seems like you’ve fallen again (mistake) and you’re just gonna stay down. Maybe changing it to “I’m done with mistakes today” or “I’ll mend/fix my mistakes today” or even “Forget my mistakes today” would bring your story together more.
Or keep it. Haha. Maybe it adds mystery.
Hope this is helpful!
Lach
February 19, 2014
0
Orion,
Nice Vocals. I agree with Lach’s comments.
The chorus doesn’t quite work.
Either you’ll fall down, or you won’t.
Most choruses seem stronger.. if they don’t change. Since you didn’t change the chorus, the song doesn’t seem to work.
I suggest you solidify your thoughts. Where do you want the song to go? What do you want to say? I’m guessing you’ll see you have more work to do.
February 20, 2014
0
Hi Orion
Nice melody and vocals but I agree with the comments above - I’m not really sure what you’re trying to convey with the lyrics - did you (as the songs narrator) not listen to someone before and in consequence let them down in some way - and NOW you’re listening and promising not to let that happen again? I’m sort of guessing here. In some songs that kind of lyrical “grey area” can work well - but with the emotion you’re bringing to your vocal delivery (which are great) the content seems (to me at least) to be too vague to justify the emotion. I guess what I’m saying is that the lyrics seem too unfocused for the immediacy of the melody and for your voice. But i did like the melody! Cheers!
February 20, 2014
0
Lachelle, Charlie and Don,
The song is about listening and promising not to let someone down again. Maybe I should keep the title as falling down? What should the emotion sound like ? In my mind I tried my best to explain and deliver the sense of forgiveness after a mistake has been made. The bridge speaks for itself. I guess I should rewrite the chorus or the entire song. Check out don’t leave and let me know if you feel the same way. I have a hard time indentifing what I’m saying exactly and other times it comes to me. Thank you for the insight.
February 20, 2014
0
Maybe if you changed the chorus to “I will never stay down” and the bridge to “I’ll never stay” or something of the like, it would bring it together… Then it gives the idea that yeah you might fall, but you’ll always get back up. Cos in all reality, we will continue to make mistakes since we’re only human, so never falling down is quite impossible.
February 21, 2014
0
Love the violin. What an addition. I agree with the above comments. Great vocals and music but not real sure where the lyrics are taking me.
February 24, 2014
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Lachelle Chaney
Orion,
I like the feel of this song a lot. Something I could see myself listening to. Especially the build at the end. It definitely sounds more awesome with the violin!
I think the only problem I have in terms of connecting with this song is the lyrics… I don’t quite understand the story line of this song. What I have gathered is that this chick thinks you’re weak, and you’ve decided that you’re gonna listen to her advice and become a stronger person, thus never “falling down”. The breakdown of this idea for me is the bridge… I’m not sure what the mistake is that you’ve made, and where it is that you’re staying. It seems like you’ve fallen again (mistake) and you’re just gonna stay down. Maybe changing it to “I’m done with mistakes today” or “I’ll mend/fix my mistakes today” or even “Forget my mistakes today” would bring your story together more.
Or keep it. Haha. Maybe it adds mystery.
Hope this is helpful!
Lach
February 19, 2014
No members have liked this comment.