Wrote this at 3am on a recent sleepless night...
Wanted to keep it simple, but wonder if it is too simple. Did not include a bridge, partly because I didn't want to make the song too long and also because I felt the little interlude between the verse and chorus might suffice. Any other feedback is welcome.
I want to support Dennis’ comment about hitting the chorus. Fact is, the melody in your second verse is more like what I would like to hear as a chorus melody. You take the melody up a little and emphasize it a little. I would suggest keeping the melody of each verse the same while elevating the chorus melody (maybe even take it really high).
Your visuals are really nice. I can really “see” those circles on the water.
I also could “hear” a fast moving piano solo between the 1st chorus and the 2nd verse.
February 06, 2014
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Like the circle from the first drop of rain
Hitting on the lake before a storm
My thoughts ran wide and hopeful
And the seeds of my dreams were born
What will happen if I share them?
What will I do?
What will happen if I chase them?
And they don’t come true?
So many raindrops falling from the sky
So many circles on the lake
They crash heavy into one another
Losing form along the way
What will happen if I share them?
What will you do?
What will happen if I chase them?
And they do come true?
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I always enjoy the 3am songs that get posted to Frettie. NIce job. This has a nice theatrical flare to it. The break after the first verse is nice. It gives me a moment to reflect on the verse.
My feedback would be to push that chorus more. I think you could really hit that hard and make it contrast nicely to the mellow feel of the first verse. Going back to that theatrical flare that I first got. Maybe you can find some inspiration in the “Rent” soundtrack or another rock focussed broadway show.
I hope this feedback helps.
February 04, 2014
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I want to support Dennis’ comment about hitting the chorus. Fact is, the melody in your second verse is more like what I would like to hear as a chorus melody. You take the melody up a little and emphasize it a little. I would suggest keeping the melody of each verse the same while elevating the chorus melody (maybe even take it really high).
Your visuals are really nice. I can really “see” those circles on the water.
I also could “hear” a fast moving piano solo between the 1st chorus and the 2nd verse.
February 06, 2014
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Dennis Field
I always enjoy the 3am songs that get posted to Frettie. NIce job. This has a nice theatrical flare to it. The break after the first verse is nice. It gives me a moment to reflect on the verse.
My feedback would be to push that chorus more. I think you could really hit that hard and make it contrast nicely to the mellow feel of the first verse. Going back to that theatrical flare that I first got. Maybe you can find some inspiration in the “Rent” soundtrack or another rock focussed broadway show.
I hope this feedback helps.
February 04, 2014
No members have liked this comment.