I didn't live this story....but I was born in the mountains. As a child, we lived in a cabin with a tin roof. A train track ran through the mountains. I'll never forget the sad sound of the train whistle blowing at the same time rain was hitting down on our tin roof..
Thank you so much for your feedback! How kind of you to take time to do that! If I might get a clearer understanding of the changes that you believe would make it stronger, then that would help me decide which direction I should go.I’m all for doing whatever is best for a song..
Linne
January 24, 2022
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I am open to exchanging a bit more feedback. It’s good for both of us.
January 25, 2022
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Especially Trains and Rain
Linne Black c.2021
v1
I remember the rollin' thunder, cuddled under a quilt
Two hearts drummin' to the rhythm of the rain
On that hill behind our cabin is where we'd thrill to the whistle
And lonesome rumblin' of a long-runnin' train
Chorus
We especially loved the sounds of trains and rain
I've been prayin' for silence since you went away
With you gone, the whole world sounds wrong, so wrong
Especially trains and rain...
Especially trains and rain
v2
Tuneless melodies, off key, now that's how music sounds to me
Even pitiful little songbirds have lost their voice
Please stop the rain, hold back the trains, it's no longer my thing
There's no I Love You's, so all that other is just noise
Repeat chorus
Bridge
I hear a train's mournful sound near the hill where we used to lay
I hear raindrops touchin' down to kiss wild roses on your grave...
Repeat chorus and tag
With you gone, the whole world sounds wrong, so wrong
Especially trains and rain
Especially trains and rain
Linne Black
Black Mountain Bluegrass
0
Hi Linne,
I was intrigued by the title & I wasn’t disappointed.
I like sad songs, I guess.
For me, your song has some of the timeless qualities of old folk songs. Story is great. I like the bridge & the ending more than anything else. If this was my lyric I would probably work a bit more on the verses, the rhythm of the lines and the rhymes: those are particularly prominent in old British/American folk on which much of today’s bluegrass is based. JMO. Good luck!
January 23, 2022
0
Thank you so much for your feedback! How kind of you to take time to do that! If I might get a clearer understanding of the changes that you believe would make it stronger, then that would help me decide which direction I should go.I’m all for doing whatever is best for a song..
Linne
January 24, 2022
0
I am open to exchanging a bit more feedback. It’s good for both of us.
January 25, 2022
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Jackson Lucas
Hi Linne,
I was intrigued by the title & I wasn’t disappointed.
I like sad songs, I guess.
For me, your song has some of the timeless qualities of old folk songs. Story is great. I like the bridge & the ending more than anything else. If this was my lyric I would probably work a bit more on the verses, the rhythm of the lines and the rhymes: those are particularly prominent in old British/American folk on which much of today’s bluegrass is based. JMO. Good luck!
January 23, 2022
No members have liked this comment.