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Tried to win her back...
Any feedback concerning the melody and/or lyrics would be greatly appreciated.
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There's a
gravel rose in the middle of the road
I tried to win you back
You threw it out the window
So I picked it up and followed you home
Gravel rose
I turned left, into your drive
There it was, confirmed your lies
Shiny red pickup, that wasn't mine
Gravel rose in the middle of the road
I tried to win you back
I threw it out my window
And I turned around and drove on home
Gravel rose
The next day when I woke up
I rubbed my eyes and prayed for luck
Saw a green stem on my truck
Next to a note that said "leave me alone"
Gravel rose in the middle of the road
I tried to win you back
You threw it out the window
Some of you daises can be so cold
Gravel rose
So I got hot and pulled out my phone
Nah, Daisy
You ain't good enough
Gravel rose in the middle of the road
I tried to win her back
Just threw it out the window
Gravel rose
0
Hey Fox,
Maybe have a look at writing this lyric in the 3rd person. Right now, you are in 1st person talking to “you” aka the girl. Unfortunately the lyric doesn’t quite works as the conversation is telling her what she already knows.
A 3rd person approach would take care of that. Changing “you” to “her”, helps tell the story.
Alternatively, keep in 1st person approach, but try to re-write the lyric like a conversation that you would actually have.
I have a got to rule that I use…“If I wouldn’t say it to her like that, then I shouldn’t sing it to her either either”
Hope this is helpful
October 21, 2021
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Doug Folkins
Hey Fox,
Maybe have a look at writing this lyric in the 3rd person. Right now, you are in 1st person talking to “you” aka the girl. Unfortunately the lyric doesn’t quite works as the conversation is telling her what she already knows.
A 3rd person approach would take care of that. Changing “you” to “her”, helps tell the story.
Alternatively, keep in 1st person approach, but try to re-write the lyric like a conversation that you would actually have.
I have a got to rule that I use…“If I wouldn’t say it to her like that, then I shouldn’t sing it to her either either”
Hope this is helpful
October 21, 2021
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