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I don't often write songs about serious issues. I was inspired to write this song due to a divorce of two close friends. This song is directed to the three innocent young children caught in the crossfire. I want them to know that I am always there for them. Please let me know what you think.
I know most people here are hesitant to leave feedback, but I would really like to know what you think.
First, I totally love this title and how you write out of it “if you paint me the rain, I’ll draw you the sun”. That’s killer! You have a lot of great images, but my honest feedback is I feel the song could be as strong as your title if you pointed all lyrics to it. You have a rain and sun theme going on in this song but it’s only mentioned in the chorus book ends. I think this concept could be so darn beautiful if you were to take images that point to what you’re trying to say. If you paint me the rain (does this mean if you’re down?), then I’ll paint you the sun (I’ll help wipe your tears?) I’m asking because it’s not clear. I think you can take what you’re trying to do in verses and change the images to things that make sense to your concept behind your hook words. You may be absolutely certain with what you mean by this hook line, but if you let the listener in on it and point all lyrics to that concept by using imagery that supports it, I think this could be gorgeous.
October 07, 2021
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Thank you so much Jayne for the feedback. I tried to use imagery in the verses to try to explain to the audience why I needed to get to the message in the chorus. I will continue to play with the lyrics. It means so much that you took the time to comment. Thank you again.
October 07, 2021
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You have a great way with imagery and I get what you were doing, but without having a lyric sheet in front of us (as a radio listener), it would cement into the heart better I think if your imagery had something to do with your beautiful hook. Then we wouldn’t have to connect the dots as much and you can concentrate on making us “feeI”. I can tell you’re a good writer and I feel like it wouldn’t take you a huge amount of time to make it make sense to the rain and sun theme. Best of luck with it!
October 07, 2021
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Paint Me The Rain
By Allan Rosensweig
Any house can be a house of cards
If the wind hits it just right
Even on a clear September night
Then the queen of diamonds and king of spades
Will be landing on separate pages
Leave you digging out from the mess they left behind
If you paint me the rain I’ll draw you the sun
I can be your lighthouse shining down when you need somewhere to run
There’s a blue sky right above you when today is done
If you paint me the rain I’m gonna draw you the sun
Every heart can be a broken heart
If you squeeze it a little too much
Or if you never hold it tight enough
I’ve seen cracks that open on the sides
Become battle scars along the fault lines
Leave you wondering what became of all their love
If you paint me the rain I’ll draw you the sun
I can be your lighthouse shining down when you need somewhere to run
There’s a blue sky right above you when today is done
If you paint me the rain I’m gonna draw you the sun
If you paint me the rain I’ll draw you the sun
I can be your lighthouse shining down when you need somewhere to run
Don’t worry about tomorrow until today is done
If you paint me the rain I’m gonna draw you the sun
Copyright 2021 by Allan Rosensweig
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First, I totally love this title and how you write out of it “if you paint me the rain, I’ll draw you the sun”. That’s killer! You have a lot of great images, but my honest feedback is I feel the song could be as strong as your title if you pointed all lyrics to it. You have a rain and sun theme going on in this song but it’s only mentioned in the chorus book ends. I think this concept could be so darn beautiful if you were to take images that point to what you’re trying to say. If you paint me the rain (does this mean if you’re down?), then I’ll paint you the sun (I’ll help wipe your tears?) I’m asking because it’s not clear. I think you can take what you’re trying to do in verses and change the images to things that make sense to your concept behind your hook words. You may be absolutely certain with what you mean by this hook line, but if you let the listener in on it and point all lyrics to that concept by using imagery that supports it, I think this could be gorgeous.
October 07, 2021
0
Thank you so much Jayne for the feedback. I tried to use imagery in the verses to try to explain to the audience why I needed to get to the message in the chorus. I will continue to play with the lyrics. It means so much that you took the time to comment. Thank you again.
October 07, 2021
0
You have a great way with imagery and I get what you were doing, but without having a lyric sheet in front of us (as a radio listener), it would cement into the heart better I think if your imagery had something to do with your beautiful hook. Then we wouldn’t have to connect the dots as much and you can concentrate on making us “feeI”. I can tell you’re a good writer and I feel like it wouldn’t take you a huge amount of time to make it make sense to the rain and sun theme. Best of luck with it!
October 07, 2021
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Joe Stilez
I like it! Good concept. Nice imagery. Thanks for sharing this.
October 04, 2021
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