Judgement Day is about a guy that escaped a horrible relationship. He is thankful to be out of the relationship but depressed about the state of his life and the consequences of his decisions. So, he goes to the bar to ease his pain.
I'm trying to decide if a studio recording should be made of this song.
Is this song lyrically sound?
Does the music match the tone of the lyrics?
I hear a 5 piece band with mandolin as the star instrument of the song … What do you hear?
*not something “united’ but something unusual. And not ‘extemporarily’ but Temporarily.
April 29, 2021
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VERSE:
Stranger here, He's new to town
He wears a solid frown
Ran a race for the triple crown
He won the mill around
BRIDGE:
He tells a story 'bout a crazy life
He was so lucky to get out alive
CHORUS:
Go to the Bar, Gonna shoot out all the stars
And it feels like today is Judgement Day, Judgement Day
I'm going to the Bar, Count all my unlucky stars
And it feels like today is Judgement Day, Judgement Day
VERSE:
She flies into the room
With her dark desert gloom
She spreads out all her doom
Sitting on her witches broom
BRIDGE:
She tells a story 'bout a crazy life
He was so lucky to get out alive
CHORUS:
Go to the Bar, Gonna shoot out all the stars
And it feels like today is Judgement Day, Judgement Day
I'm going to the Bar, Count all my unlucky stars
And it feels like today is Judgement Day, Judgement Day
SOLO:
BRIDGE:
He tells a story 'bout a crazy life
He was so lucky to get out alive
CHORUS:
Go to the Bar, Gonna shoot out all the stars
And it feels like today is Judgement Day, Judgement Day
I'm going to the Bar, Count all my unlucky stars
And it feels like today is Judgement Day, Judgement Day
0
Hey, Brent - I like the use of some unusual song words/concepts here—triple crown, unlucky stars, dark desert gloom…It also feels theme-wise like one of your other songs, about two misfits or outcasts who meet each other perhaps by chance. I almost want to see a third verse that brings them together - the frowny, unhappy guy more conclusively meets the witchy lady and maybe something united happens that maybe (extemporarily) lifts all that doom and gloom. And, maybe judgement day is because they now feel seen by another person for the first time in a long time, or such idea.
Production-wise, I think you had a delay on that tune that was bouncing some percussion around in there that might take away from the listener’s attention on lyrics/melody. Your voice is good, and so is the guitar, so I’d love to hear less effects (you know, enough to enhance the Vox and guitar) and more of the natural vocal and instrumentation. I know it can make some artists/writers feel too exposed, but I would offer it’s worth a try. Best wishes, and keep up the good work!
April 29, 2021
0
*not something “united’ but something unusual. And not ‘extemporarily’ but Temporarily.
April 29, 2021
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Al Raebuck
Hey, Brent - I like the use of some unusual song words/concepts here—triple crown, unlucky stars, dark desert gloom…It also feels theme-wise like one of your other songs, about two misfits or outcasts who meet each other perhaps by chance. I almost want to see a third verse that brings them together - the frowny, unhappy guy more conclusively meets the witchy lady and maybe something united happens that maybe (extemporarily) lifts all that doom and gloom. And, maybe judgement day is because they now feel seen by another person for the first time in a long time, or such idea.
Production-wise, I think you had a delay on that tune that was bouncing some percussion around in there that might take away from the listener’s attention on lyrics/melody. Your voice is good, and so is the guitar, so I’d love to hear less effects (you know, enough to enhance the Vox and guitar) and more of the natural vocal and instrumentation. I know it can make some artists/writers feel too exposed, but I would offer it’s worth a try. Best wishes, and keep up the good work!
April 29, 2021
No members have liked this comment.