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I was writing songs for SnakeBite's debut CD and friend of mine said you need a ballad for the CD... my girlfriend was 1400 miles away visiting family for a month and wrote "You" one night thinking about her.
You can be brutally honest... it is the only way to get better!
elizabeth kurman / BMI songwriter
Marty you’ve got REAL potential in this song. here’s what I would do.. Your structure is SCREAMIN for a big ” hit me across the face with a sledge hammer” point. FIND one. then tie your verses in to support it. for example. : your verse 1 seems to say “little things don’t matter” right? so the Chorus could drive that home ...with a hook LIKE You’re MY world, Girl All I want is you.. ... you get what I mean right? Anyway… you are so close don’t give up on this one.. good luck 
April 23, 2020
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Hi Marty, “you make the sun shine brighter” what a great line that is… if I didn’t know the title before I started to listen I would have thought that what it was. Such a great hook there. The whole song just is easy to listen to, I can hear this on the radio over here in Scotland. Thank you for sharing.
May 03, 2020
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Hi Marty, really like the feel of this song and especially the chorus, for me it just needs a few lyrical tweaks here and there. I Like the sound of the demo and the drums sound great.
May 05, 2020
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You
Maybe I dont tell you quite enough
Baby I am not good at that kind of stuff
Believe me girl you are my every thing
You cant measure love with a diamond ring
You make the sun shine brighter the darkness seem lighter
My whole world revolves around you
You make my days much better even in stormy weather
Your my girl... Girl I need you
Your my girl... Girl I want you
It's crazy how I get lost in your eyes
You bat those lashes at me and act so shy
Your laughing and smiling that skip in your walk
You stand by me girl your my rock
You make the sun shine brighter the darkness seem lighter
My whole world revolves around you
You make my days much better even in stormy weather
Your my girl... Girl I need you
Your my girl... Girl I want you
You are the one meant for me even a blind man can see
Together we are stronger than apart
I love you from the bottom of my heart
You make the sun shine brighter the darkness seem lighter
My whole world revolves around you
You make my days much better even in stormy weather
Your my girl... Girl I need you
Your my girl... Girl I want you
Your my girl... Girl I love you
0
Hey Marty, we met at the co-writer cafe last night and decided to check your stuff out.
Like the song: easy, mellow, uncomplicated, catches my ear, flows in and out effortlessly.
I relate to the sentiment very much as well - in fact, I wrote a love song for my wife a while ago and posted it: you may check it out to see our similarities and differences.
For me, personally, the lyric is a bit basic, with some obvious rhymes and little, if any, emotional movement from start to finish. You don’t really stand out if you only use a crowd’s basic imagery and vocabulary. Most times that’s perfectly fine live but a publisher will probably look for something more. My 2 cents.
Like the name of your band, btw.
April 22, 2020
0
elizabeth kurman / BMI songwriter
Marty you’ve got REAL potential in this song. here’s what I would do.. Your structure is SCREAMIN for a big ” hit me across the face with a sledge hammer” point. FIND one. then tie your verses in to support it. for example. : your verse 1 seems to say “little things don’t matter” right? so the Chorus could drive that home ...with a hook LIKE You’re MY world, Girl All I want is you.. ... you get what I mean right? Anyway… you are so close don’t give up on this one.. good luck
April 23, 2020
0
Hi Marty, “you make the sun shine brighter” what a great line that is… if I didn’t know the title before I started to listen I would have thought that what it was. Such a great hook there. The whole song just is easy to listen to, I can hear this on the radio over here in Scotland. Thank you for sharing.
May 03, 2020
0
Hi Marty, really like the feel of this song and especially the chorus, for me it just needs a few lyrical tweaks here and there. I Like the sound of the demo and the drums sound great.
May 05, 2020
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Jackson Lucas
Hey Marty, we met at the co-writer cafe last night and decided to check your stuff out.
Like the song: easy, mellow, uncomplicated, catches my ear, flows in and out effortlessly.
I relate to the sentiment very much as well - in fact, I wrote a love song for my wife a while ago and posted it: you may check it out to see our similarities and differences.
For me, personally, the lyric is a bit basic, with some obvious rhymes and little, if any, emotional movement from start to finish. You don’t really stand out if you only use a crowd’s basic imagery and vocabulary. Most times that’s perfectly fine live but a publisher will probably look for something more. My 2 cents.
Like the name of your band, btw.
April 22, 2020
No members have liked this comment.