Teddy Parker sent me the lyrics and a rough melody...
The story is a small town relationship where she wanted to chase get dreams of being a singer and left him behind, now he hears her on the radio and wonders what might have been...
Any feedback welcome, don't hold back!
Catchy tune Paul got that old Motown
Feel but sounds current. To me it sounds like
You and you’re should be in there instead her she
The song holds its own just as written I like it
Corey
October 06, 2019
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Great feel!
I think the chorus could be set apart from the verse a bit more, maybe through adding some harmonies or another instrument.
As Martin mentioned, the You/she thing should be fixed.
October 10, 2019
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There’s a lot of useful feedback above. The song doesn’t have a defined starting point to clearly set the scene in my opinion. I had no idea what the song was about until the bridge section came into play.
The rhyme patterns on the verses are different. Verse one looks okay but it doesn’t match up with verse two. Ghost/Song doesn’t rhyme at all so you might dig a little deeper for a better line. How does a first kiss feel like a ghost? Is it because that kiss never happened? If that’s the case, why be haunted about it? That memory is a burnt bridge if it’s been years. I’m sure she has moved on and forgot all about that day.
From what I’ve seen over the years, bridges are normally 2-3 lines. This bridge section has six lines like the verses. It would be considered a third verse based on the lyrical pattern.
I think you should expand on the chorus section instead of repeating those two lines
October 11, 2019
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great voice, vibe and love the simplicity of the track. Agree with most of what Martin said. ALthough, chorus differentiation would be helped with harmonies too.
October 22, 2019
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I like 90% of this tune. The music geek in me wants that chorus to go somewhere else though, to lift it, twist it, etc. I can hear the meter doubling, and a more sing song OH OH OH bit in there, to provide some melodic texture. Fun stuff 
January 15, 2020
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Song on the Radio by Teddy Parker and Paul deMarco © 2019
(V1)
I haven’t seen her in a few years
I wonder if she still comes here
It feels like a lifetime ago
Does she still drive that old red truck
The one we used to get stuck
Does Nashville even have dirt roads
(C)
I heard her song on that radio
Yeah it sounds like someone I know
I heard her song on that radio
Yeah it sounds like someone I know
(V2)
I’ve been driving around this old town
I see that rap-around porch now
It’s where that first kiss feels like a ghost
I know it’s not what you wanted
Because of you I’m haunted
I hear all our words in a song
(C)
(Bridge)
Now I’m burnin through the stations
Tryin to catch what she’s been sayin
I’m waiting for her voice to come on
I hear all our words now
I start to see just how
She left this old town like a storm
(C)
I heard her song on that radio
Yeah it sounds like someone I know
I’ve been spinning that dial since she let me go
Yeah it sounds like someone I know
(Outro)
I haven’t seen her in a few years
I wonder if she’ll ever come back here
It feels like a lifetime ago
0
Great song, guys! Could be a winner.
Here’s what I notice -
I like the groove, it seems pretty current. The verse melody is good too, catchy. I like the “different” chord in the progression at the end of the phrases.
The chorus melody lands on the same notes though, so it really doesn’t sound a lot different than the verses? Would the chorus be a better ear-worm if it’s melody was lifted a bit more? Or maybe the verse melody could be changed?
V1 “her”
V2 “you”
B “her”
If I were a co-writer, I’d suggest making the whole song “you.”? That would make the bridge super interesting. “Tryin’ to catch what you’re saying” suggests that she might be sending the you a message?
And, of course, you know what they say about opinions and belly buttons…
October 05, 2019
0
Catchy tune Paul got that old Motown
Feel but sounds current. To me it sounds like
You and you’re should be in there instead her she
The song holds its own just as written I like it
Corey
October 06, 2019
0
Great feel!
I think the chorus could be set apart from the verse a bit more, maybe through adding some harmonies or another instrument.
As Martin mentioned, the You/she thing should be fixed.
October 10, 2019
0
There’s a lot of useful feedback above. The song doesn’t have a defined starting point to clearly set the scene in my opinion. I had no idea what the song was about until the bridge section came into play.
The rhyme patterns on the verses are different. Verse one looks okay but it doesn’t match up with verse two. Ghost/Song doesn’t rhyme at all so you might dig a little deeper for a better line. How does a first kiss feel like a ghost? Is it because that kiss never happened? If that’s the case, why be haunted about it? That memory is a burnt bridge if it’s been years. I’m sure she has moved on and forgot all about that day.
From what I’ve seen over the years, bridges are normally 2-3 lines. This bridge section has six lines like the verses. It would be considered a third verse based on the lyrical pattern.
I think you should expand on the chorus section instead of repeating those two lines
October 11, 2019
0
great voice, vibe and love the simplicity of the track. Agree with most of what Martin said. ALthough, chorus differentiation would be helped with harmonies too.
October 22, 2019
0
I like 90% of this tune. The music geek in me wants that chorus to go somewhere else though, to lift it, twist it, etc. I can hear the meter doubling, and a more sing song OH OH OH bit in there, to provide some melodic texture. Fun stuff
January 15, 2020
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Martin Vipond
Great song, guys! Could be a winner.
Here’s what I notice -
I like the groove, it seems pretty current. The verse melody is good too, catchy. I like the “different” chord in the progression at the end of the phrases.
The chorus melody lands on the same notes though, so it really doesn’t sound a lot different than the verses? Would the chorus be a better ear-worm if it’s melody was lifted a bit more? Or maybe the verse melody could be changed?
V1 “her”
V2 “you”
B “her”
If I were a co-writer, I’d suggest making the whole song “you.”? That would make the bridge super interesting. “Tryin’ to catch what you’re saying” suggests that she might be sending the you a message?
And, of course, you know what they say about opinions and belly buttons…
October 05, 2019
No members have liked this comment.