I wrote this song over the weekend. I'm still using the computer mic and Band In A Box.
Feedback would be appreciated.
Nice one, love the lyrics. I’m with Steve on the “I’m so over you” comment. Enjoyed this one, good job and thanks for sharing.
~M
July 26, 2019
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Thanks for the feedback. I’m assuming you mean that the I’m so over you in the chorus would be better if it was just twice in the chorus and not four times in the chorus. This was the first draft of the lyrics so I’ll give that some thought based on your feedback. Steve. I can’t say this was my experience personally but I can relate. Thanks for liking my song Marilyn. It’s great to get the encouragement.
July 27, 2019
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Some funny vibes here. I would probably only use the “I’m/she"ll get over you” on the last line of the chorus rather than all four. You’ve got the basic idea down and now I think lyrically it could use some fine tuning. I’d encourage you to go back over it and challenge yourself to see if you can take it to the next level lyrically, especially in the chorus and the second verse, which is not as strong as the first imo. It feels like you dropped the rhyming pattern at the end of the second verse, which sounded disjointed. Thanks for sharing. I look forward to hearing any revisions! Cheers!
July 29, 2019
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Thanks for the feedback John. You’ve given me more to consider for a rewrite. Lyrics are not my strong point but I will keep working on them.
July 30, 2019
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I’M SO OVER YOU
©Carla Dancey
Verse 1
I have pretty brown eyes and brunette hair.
I’m a beautiful woman but you don’t care.
You like your blue eyed blondes with big boobs.
You like them anorexic. Well, I like food.
Pre Chorus
To be the woman you could love, I really tried.
You proved to me you were never really on my side.
Chorus
I’ve got news for you. I’m so over you.
The mean things you do. I’m so over you.
You can’t deny the truth. I’m so over you.
The things you made me do. I’m so over you.
Verse 2
You wed your blue eyed bimbo yesterday.
I wanted to walk right up to her and say.
He’ll treat you bad. He’ll break your heart. You’ll be a mess.
But there’s some things she’ll have to learn all by herself.
Pre Chorus
To be the woman you could love, I’m sure she’ll try.
But you’ll let her down and you will make her cry.
Chorus
I’ve got news for you. She’ll get over you.
Those mean things you do. She’ll get over you.
When she learns the truth, she’ll get over you.
When she’s had her fill, she’ll get over you.
. Musical interlude
I’ve got news for you. I’m so over you.
The mean things you do. I’m so over you.
You can’t deny the truth. I’m so over you.
The things you made me do. I’m so over you.
0
I would cut the “I’m so over you” from 4X to 2X…..Love the boob line…Is this from experience and you just got in character? Never mind, has to be…Go get em girl
July 25, 2019
0
Nice one, love the lyrics. I’m with Steve on the “I’m so over you” comment. Enjoyed this one, good job and thanks for sharing.
~M
July 26, 2019
0
Thanks for the feedback. I’m assuming you mean that the I’m so over you in the chorus would be better if it was just twice in the chorus and not four times in the chorus. This was the first draft of the lyrics so I’ll give that some thought based on your feedback. Steve. I can’t say this was my experience personally but I can relate. Thanks for liking my song Marilyn. It’s great to get the encouragement.
July 27, 2019
0
Some funny vibes here. I would probably only use the “I’m/she"ll get over you” on the last line of the chorus rather than all four. You’ve got the basic idea down and now I think lyrically it could use some fine tuning. I’d encourage you to go back over it and challenge yourself to see if you can take it to the next level lyrically, especially in the chorus and the second verse, which is not as strong as the first imo. It feels like you dropped the rhyming pattern at the end of the second verse, which sounded disjointed. Thanks for sharing. I look forward to hearing any revisions! Cheers!
July 29, 2019
0
Thanks for the feedback John. You’ve given me more to consider for a rewrite. Lyrics are not my strong point but I will keep working on them.
July 30, 2019
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Steve Altonian
I would cut the “I’m so over you” from 4X to 2X…..Love the boob line…Is this from experience and you just got in character? Never mind, has to be…Go get em girl
July 25, 2019
No members have liked this comment.