Young man's love has left for California to pursue her dream of stardom and fame. The song is the man's plea to California to send his love home.
In what genre would you classify this song?
What other artist would you compare the song to?
No big ego here to get hurt, so honest, constructive critique, good, bad or ugly are all welcome.
Thanks,
H
Appreciate the feedback Brent. It is certainly something to think about, but the cost payback equation is too high to redo the song just to make that change. If someone wants to cover the song I will certainly offer the suggestion.
Thanks again.
July 09, 2019
No members have liked this comment.
Good reason why I joined
Before I spend money on a pro demo
I look for feed back on how to change or make a song
Better.
July 10, 2019
No members have liked this comment.
Very wise Corey. I vet every song before creating going into production. It is never bad to get addition feedback, even after final production. Thanks for the input.
July 10, 2019
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OH CALIFORNIA
Written by: Howard Delnick
B-A-F#-E
Verse:
THE FLOWERS HAVE ALL WILTED AND DIED, A LONG TIME AGO
THERE'S NOTHING LEFT OF THE TEARS THAT I CRIED,
THE ONES NOBODY KNOWS
SHE TOOK A PLANE TO CALIFORNIA, OFF TO CHASE A DREAM
OH! CALIFORNIA, LOOK WHAT YOU'VE TAKEN FROM ME
Chorus:
OH! CALIFORNIA, LOOK WHAT YOU'VE TAKEN FROM ME
YOUR RAISINS AND WINE, CAN'T PAY FOR THE CRIME
YOU'RE COMMITTIN' YOU SEE
IF THE LAND OF SUN, RICHES AND FUN
ARE WHAT YOU WANT TO BE
WELL, OKAY, CALIFORNIA, JUST SEND MY SUNSHINE TO ME
Verse:
SHE BELIEVES ALL THE LINES ABOUT STARDOM AND FAME
STREETS COVERED WITH GOLD
SHE DON'T REALIZE THE PURSUIT OF THAT DREAM,
CAN MAKE A BODY GROW COLD
TO SEE HER NAME UP IN LIGHTS, SURE WOULD MAKE HER DAY
OH! CALIFORNIA, PLEASE DON'T MAKE HER STAY
Chorus:
WORDS AND MUSIC WRITTEN AND COMPOSED BY HOWARD DELNICK
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
© HOWARD DELNICK,1989 - 2019.
SOCAN
0
Thanks for sharing your song with us, Howard!
I think one thing that can “up” the emotion of the song is making her leaving more recent. The 1st verse makes it clear that she left a while back. I’d make the wound more fresh.
Just a thought. Hope it helps!
July 09, 2019
0
Appreciate the feedback Brent. It is certainly something to think about, but the cost payback equation is too high to redo the song just to make that change. If someone wants to cover the song I will certainly offer the suggestion.
Thanks again.
July 09, 2019
0
Good reason why I joined
Before I spend money on a pro demo
I look for feed back on how to change or make a song
Better.
July 10, 2019
0
Very wise Corey. I vet every song before creating going into production. It is never bad to get addition feedback, even after final production. Thanks for the input.
July 10, 2019
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Brent Baxter
Thanks for sharing your song with us, Howard!
I think one thing that can “up” the emotion of the song is making her leaving more recent. The 1st verse makes it clear that she left a while back. I’d make the wound more fresh.
Just a thought. Hope it helps!
July 09, 2019
No members have liked this comment.