Not really based on any life event, just a hook.
Comments appreciated. This is a work tape.
Thanks for the listen and the good ideas. That is not me on banjo, in fact banjo, guitar, and bass are from Band In A Box, or as I like to say, Bob, Ike, Al, and Brian. I did play mandolin on this track. I find loading tunes into BUAB helps me structure them musically, with timing, etc.
David
May 06, 2019
No members have liked this comment.
You must be signed in to post feedback.
Her Decision
by Dave Martin
/Verse
Early that morning, she made her decision
Formulated plans with perfect precision
She walked out that door, never looking back
Without out a word, I understood that
//Chorus
She made her decision
She made her decision
She made her decision
A decision that won't include me
/Verse
Things had gone all the way downhill
I missed the signs, I never had the will
Apathetic rivers, in valleys of neglect
She turned the page, she never will regret
//Chorus
/// Bridge
When time reveals our choices
When worlds in fact collide
In the echoes of our voices
Hide the shadows of our pride
//Chorus
/Verse
Is it by fate or merely by design
Every step we take leaves tracks across our mind
If we break a heart, throw pieces to the wind
Thought takes over, considers all and then
//Chorus
0
Hi David, I like the Banjo - is it you playing? Sounds great! I also like the idea of the song. I think the lyric could need some tweaks. The first set up line isn’t that strong ( ... I understood that) maybe you can say: ‘she followed her own track/map. Also last line of your chorus doesn’t sound that strong to me. One idea to improve it could be to say: ‘and finally - it won’t include me’. I’m not a native speaker, but the verse ‘Apathetic rivers, in valleys of neglect’ doesn’t sound very conversational to me, maybe there is an other way to express this. But it’s your song, I just threw in some thoughts! Keep on!
May 05, 2019
0
Thanks for the listen and the good ideas. That is not me on banjo, in fact banjo, guitar, and bass are from Band In A Box, or as I like to say, Bob, Ike, Al, and Brian. I did play mandolin on this track. I find loading tunes into BUAB helps me structure them musically, with timing, etc.
David
May 06, 2019
Do you want to have this song reviewed by an industry professional or a hit songwriter? Click on any of the professionals below to purchase your review.
Brent Baxter:
Pro Songwriter
$25.00/Song
Sam & Becca Mizell:
Hit Songwriters
$50.00/Song
Tell your peers about professional song reviews on Songwriting Pro.
×
Frank Renfordt
Hi David, I like the Banjo - is it you playing? Sounds great! I also like the idea of the song. I think the lyric could need some tweaks. The first set up line isn’t that strong ( ... I understood that) maybe you can say: ‘she followed her own track/map. Also last line of your chorus doesn’t sound that strong to me. One idea to improve it could be to say: ‘and finally - it won’t include me’. I’m not a native speaker, but the verse ‘Apathetic rivers, in valleys of neglect’ doesn’t sound very conversational to me, maybe there is an other way to express this. But it’s your song, I just threw in some thoughts! Keep on!
May 05, 2019
No members have liked this comment.