This is Demo #2 I had done. Song about lost love. Hope you enjoy.
I would like to hear your thoughts if you have any.
Thanks Ronnie for the feedback. I will pay attention to the copy and paste next time. I did not realize it crammed it all together and I did not check it. I usually type my Lyric sheets in all caps as it usually is my preference to look at it that way. I have done some crazy things with caps for verse, bold italicized for chorus etc. Never really thought about it from another viewers perspective. Appreciate it.
April 27, 2019
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Kevin:
I like the hook, haven’t heard before, always a plus. As was said, a 90’s type vibe, also I’m not sure this song really needs a bridge(coming from someone who almost always writes one!) Good luck!
April 28, 2019
Thanks Richard for your feedback. I usually break up the song with a bridge to.
April 28, 2019
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Hi Kevin, nice Country feel. I like the hook, that’s pretty original, cool idea. I would like to know what happened and why she left, the story is a bit ‘thin’.
April 29, 2019
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I like it—it certainly “works” and demonstrates strong craft and consciousness of the market. I can hear it on the radio.
May 06, 2019
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Small point (imho): leave out the added last line of the chorus (“Oh, to my timezone”) until the VERY LAST CHORUS, as that should help a little in punching up the last chorus.
June 12, 2019
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TIMEZONE
IT’S FIVE A.M. I FELT MY HEARTBREAK
SHE DIDN’T STOP WALKING OUT THE GATE
THE ROAR OF THE JET SHE’S IN THE AIR
CROSSING THE BORDER TO LAND SOMEWHERE
I WISH I KNEW IF SHE WENT EAST OR WEST
DID SHE CROSS THE OCEAN WHEN SHE LEFT
TO THE TIMEZONE ON THE WESTERN SHORE
ROCKY MOUNTAIN REGION I’M NOT SURE
IS HER HEART NOW MADE OF STONE
WILL SHE EVER COME BACK TO MY TIMEZONE
OH TO MY TIMEZONE
HOW MANY MILES ARE WE A PART
DO I TAKE A TRIP TO FIND HER HEART
IN LONDON ENGLAND OR PARIS FRANCE
IS ODESSA TEXAS WHERE SHE’S AT
I WISH I KNEW IF SHE WENT EAST OR WEST
DID SHE CROSS THE OCEAN WHEN SHE LEFT
TO THE TIMEZONE ON THE WESTERN SHORE
ROCKY MOUNTAIN REGION I’M NOT SURE
IS HER HEART NOW MADE OF STONE
WILL SHE EVER COME BACK TO MY TIMEZONE
OH TO MY TIMEZONE
IS HER HEART THERE TO FIND
WHERE’S THE MOUNTAIN I MUST CLIMB
TO THE TIMEZONE ON THE WESTERN SHORE
ROCKY MOUNTAIN REGION I’M NOT SURE
IS HER HEART NOW MADE OF STONE
WILL SHE EVER COME BACK TO MY TIMEZONE
OH TO MY TIMEZONE
YEAH TO MY TIMEZONE
COME BACK TO MY TIMEZONE
BABY COME BACK TO MY TIMEZONE
1
Mike Lusk always sounds great on a song demo. There’s nothing wrong with your song that I can tell. It’s well written, has a hook and it has a good storyline. Two artists came to mind based on the melody, subject matter and the 90s sounding country production. Vocally it’s George Strait and Billy Dean. They both popped into my head right away when I heard Mike Lusk singing the demo.
Not sure what you meant by this recording is demo #2. Hopefully it was a worktape demo before this version of a recording.
Keep this in mind when posting lyrics. Have them in a structured form, indicate where the chorus is and a bridge if you have one. Also, no need to capitalize all the words. This was a little hard to read and to follow along the way you’ve posted the huge paragraph.
Happy Songwriting!
April 27, 2019
0
Thanks Ronnie for the feedback. I will pay attention to the copy and paste next time. I did not realize it crammed it all together and I did not check it. I usually type my Lyric sheets in all caps as it usually is my preference to look at it that way. I have done some crazy things with caps for verse, bold italicized for chorus etc. Never really thought about it from another viewers perspective. Appreciate it.
April 27, 2019
1
Kevin:
I like the hook, haven’t heard before, always a plus. As was said, a 90’s type vibe, also I’m not sure this song really needs a bridge(coming from someone who almost always writes one!) Good luck!
April 28, 2019
0
Thanks Richard for your feedback. I usually break up the song with a bridge to.
April 28, 2019
1
Hi Kevin, nice Country feel. I like the hook, that’s pretty original, cool idea. I would like to know what happened and why she left, the story is a bit ‘thin’.
April 29, 2019
1
I like it—it certainly “works” and demonstrates strong craft and consciousness of the market. I can hear it on the radio.
May 06, 2019
0
Small point (imho): leave out the added last line of the chorus (“Oh, to my timezone”) until the VERY LAST CHORUS, as that should help a little in punching up the last chorus.
June 12, 2019
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Ronnie Glenn
Mike Lusk always sounds great on a song demo. There’s nothing wrong with your song that I can tell. It’s well written, has a hook and it has a good storyline. Two artists came to mind based on the melody, subject matter and the 90s sounding country production. Vocally it’s George Strait and Billy Dean. They both popped into my head right away when I heard Mike Lusk singing the demo.
Not sure what you meant by this recording is demo #2. Hopefully it was a worktape demo before this version of a recording.
Keep this in mind when posting lyrics. Have them in a structured form, indicate where the chorus is and a bridge if you have one. Also, no need to capitalize all the words. This was a little hard to read and to follow along the way you’ve posted the huge paragraph.
Happy Songwriting!
April 27, 2019