First write with a new co-writer. I think it's just OK. Not great. What say you?
Anything is appreciated
Hi Jason
I liked the first verse - that worked pretty well.
Other than that, it doesn’t sing to me. Question - what kind of fall? Is this girl just out for a good night and is he expecting to get hurt? I kinda zoned out during the chorus because I couldn’t follow the flow.
“A front yard tan” is that an American [removed]sorry - that line has me picturing some dude in a bikini on a lawn chair sunbaking - I have a really bad imagination)
I hope that doesn’t sound mean.
Best wishes for success
Cheers
Sonya
February 12, 2018
Sorry. Is that an American expression? was what it was supposed to say.
Went back and reread it - I can see that he’s talking about falling in love.
The term “set up” just doesn’t have a nice image to it for me.
Cheers
Sonya
February 12, 2018
I like the sound/production. It might be a tick or two slow. Vocal could have more energy on the chorus especially.
The hook might be better if it was waiting for a fall, hoping for a fall or ready for a fall.
Also, the first 2 lines are a bit cliche for me, I think they can be better. And I don’t know what diesel high rises are? Jeans or shoes?
Anyway, those are my first thoughts.
Nice work.
P.S. I’d be happy to write with you. I think we’re both in nashville.
February 14, 2018
No members have liked this comment.
You must be signed in to post feedback.
J.Street / J. Spears
VERSE 1
You walked in we locked eyes I almost dropped my drink
That sweet as sugar smile bout knocked me off my feet
With your Diesel high rises slims and a Garth Brooks t shirt on
One step in my direction and that was all she wrote
CHORUS
You got me reeling now I’m feeling like I might be going down
You’re moving closer Im losing composure and it’s too late to turn back now
the way youre looking at me I have no chance at all
You got me set up for a fall
VERSE 2
Fall in love, settle down has never crossed my mind
A Minivan and a front yard tan yeah I’ve never been that guy
But you’ve got me on this dance floor and I’m thinking crazy things
I can feel my heart slipping with every song that this band sings
1
It is cool. I like it. I don’t know about the line “Got me set up for a fall.” I think you mean “falling in love.” But, if you don’t listen to the rest of the lyrics and just listen to the end chorus. It makes you feel like something bad is about to happen. I think, and who am I (just a beginner musician, so consider the source), you should be more specific and say maybe, You got me falling for ya. (not that great.) Girls like to hear that (crap).LOL
February 09, 2018
1
Hi Jason
I liked the first verse - that worked pretty well.
Other than that, it doesn’t sing to me. Question - what kind of fall? Is this girl just out for a good night and is he expecting to get hurt? I kinda zoned out during the chorus because I couldn’t follow the flow.
“A front yard tan” is that an American [removed]sorry - that line has me picturing some dude in a bikini on a lawn chair sunbaking - I have a really bad imagination)
I hope that doesn’t sound mean.
Best wishes for success
Cheers
Sonya
February 12, 2018
1
Sorry. Is that an American expression? was what it was supposed to say.
Went back and reread it - I can see that he’s talking about falling in love.
The term “set up” just doesn’t have a nice image to it for me.
Cheers
Sonya
February 12, 2018
0
I like the sound/production. It might be a tick or two slow. Vocal could have more energy on the chorus especially.
The hook might be better if it was waiting for a fall, hoping for a fall or ready for a fall.
Also, the first 2 lines are a bit cliche for me, I think they can be better. And I don’t know what diesel high rises are? Jeans or shoes?
Anyway, those are my first thoughts.
Nice work.
P.S. I’d be happy to write with you. I think we’re both in nashville.
February 14, 2018
Do you want to have this song reviewed by an industry professional or a hit songwriter? Click on any of the professionals below to purchase your review.
Brent Baxter:
Pro Songwriter
$25.00/Song
Sam & Becca Mizell:
Hit Songwriters
$50.00/Song
Tell your peers about professional song reviews on Songwriting Pro.
×
Ani Bergman
It is cool. I like it. I don’t know about the line “Got me set up for a fall.” I think you mean “falling in love.” But, if you don’t listen to the rest of the lyrics and just listen to the end chorus. It makes you feel like something bad is about to happen. I think, and who am I (just a beginner musician, so consider the source), you should be more specific and say maybe, You got me falling for ya. (not that great.) Girls like to hear that (crap).LOL
February 09, 2018