This is an attempt at a commercial song. I have much to learn. It is also in process, so I would love maybe to change the chords of the chorus or even have someone help co write some of it.
Do I need to change the chords of the chorus? I guess I want it to sound more edgy than it does. I also need help with the bridge.
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Am I disappointing you
Did I do something wrong
Should I hide my head in the sand
Or should I stay with you and fall
Chorus : G Am C D
Two tears in a bucket (my hope is for the audience to add f**k it)
That is what I say to you
Two tears in a bucket
So long I don't need you
Tip toe around eggshells
But is that really a life
It's not me, it's certainly you
Time to end all this strife
Chorus
Pre-chorus or Bridge
I know I should be more kind, but oh well
Chorus and ending
(I am really not like this)
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Hi Andrea I like this melody I got a couple thing’s If I could suggest to you. 1st verse I think may flow better if you just say should I hide my head in sand. You also may want to consider putting a 2nd verse in before you go to the chorus. Maybe talk about like being at the bar with ur girl,s and he isn’t worth crying over. I get the whole two tear’s in a bucket, but your not really describing your at the bar. I mean I get it but the average listener may not they may be like a MOP bucket LOL. There’s not really a Rhyme scheme going on in the chorus maybe two tears in a bucket that’s all I’ll cry for you. Two tears in a bucket one more tear and i’am through. Kinda give you idea. coming back in after chorus maybe WE tip toe around eggshell’s but that shouldn’t be our life. feel’s like your reaching with strife is there possibly another rhyme there or a near rhyme maybe. Listen these are just suggestions from another struggling song writer I like what ya got…LIFE’S A SONG ENJOY AND HAVE FUN
January 29, 2018
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Good stuff! Sounds good thanks for sharing and listening to my song too
January 31, 2018
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Kevin Fox
Hi Andrea I like this melody I got a couple thing’s If I could suggest to you. 1st verse I think may flow better if you just say should I hide my head in sand. You also may want to consider putting a 2nd verse in before you go to the chorus. Maybe talk about like being at the bar with ur girl,s and he isn’t worth crying over. I get the whole two tear’s in a bucket, but your not really describing your at the bar. I mean I get it but the average listener may not they may be like a MOP bucket LOL. There’s not really a Rhyme scheme going on in the chorus maybe two tears in a bucket that’s all I’ll cry for you. Two tears in a bucket one more tear and i’am through. Kinda give you idea. coming back in after chorus maybe WE tip toe around eggshell’s but that shouldn’t be our life. feel’s like your reaching with strife is there possibly another rhyme there or a near rhyme maybe. Listen these are just suggestions from another struggling song writer I like what ya got…LIFE’S A SONG ENJOY AND HAVE FUN
January 29, 2018
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