LYRIC ONLY Submission
Mid Tempo
I'm open-minded to all feedback.
THANKS Brent for the fantastic feedback!
Thank God I’m not emotionally attached to this song but I agree it needs more emotional focus.
You’re insightful look into this storyline is “spot on” and I’m going to explore those road maps.
January 23, 2018
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HI Ronnie,
I like the title a lot.
I agree with Brent - it needs more focus. I want to know what the meantime is. is it the “mean” time - Just a thought. Is it when you’re ticked off about what happened with this girl? Are you out in the bars, picking fights/making trouble/looking for cheap thrills or working on yourself to get your girl back? There is a lot of time that passes between verses and the bridge which I don’t think serves your song. I think you have a rich mine to explore with this title.
May 15, 2020
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I’ve been telling myself a lot of different things
After she walked away I thought it was a teaser
When that feeling of shock finally wore off
I had to remind myself to take a long breather
Pre-chorus
The only way I could keep myself from going crazy
Was to convince myself she's coming back to stay
CHORUS
In the meantime, I’m gonna laugh until it hurts
Maybe cry me a river for all that she’s worth
In the meantime, I’ll do whatever I please
Maybe go fishing in that hole I dug too deep
It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, I’ll be fine
I’ll keep going since she’s gone in the meantime
I’m not gonna let this heavy heart weigh me down
Like that old cliche’ I’ve been there before
Just another step back for us to get things straight
I know in time she'll be walking on this floor
Pre-chorus
The only way I can keep myself from going crazy
Is to convince myself she's coming back to save me
CHORUS
Bridge
After all these years, here we are
In the middle of this bar where it's crowded
Let's dance, she said I’ve missed you so much
I smiled and said, girl you can look but don't touch
No doubt about it...
CHORUS
It doesn’t matter what I’m doing to unwind
That girl is good as gone out of my mind
© 2017 Ronnie Glenn, all rights reserved
1
Hey, Ronnie! Good to see you back on here. Thanks for sharing this with us.
I could use a little more emotional focus in the song. Most of the chorus seems like you’ll just have a good time while she’s gone. Or you might cry. Or waste some time. Since you’re not sure, I’m not sure how to feel about it. Unless you make that the theme- “I don’t know what I’ll do in the meantime.” In which case, I’d go with contrasting lines, like you already have in the 1st two of the chorus (laugh/cry). I’d continue that.
However, that approach contradicts your ending where it’s years later and you’re completely over her. So it feels emotionally muddy to me (not clearly focused).
Where you go with being happy in the meantime, being sad in the meantime, or unsure what you’ll do in the meantime, I’d keep it all in-the-moment. Don’t resolve whether or not she comes back. It’s all about the meantime, not any other time.
I kinda like the thought of “Well, if she comes back, I’ll be happy. Or if she doesn’t, I’ll be heartbroken. The jury’s out, so in the meantime, I’ll just…..” The next verse could be about how your phone may ring any second, or she may let you twist in the wind for days, but in the meantime….
Just a thought.
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
January 22, 2018
0
THANKS Brent for the fantastic feedback!
Thank God I’m not emotionally attached to this song but I agree it needs more emotional focus.
You’re insightful look into this storyline is “spot on” and I’m going to explore those road maps.
January 23, 2018
0
HI Ronnie,
I like the title a lot.
I agree with Brent - it needs more focus. I want to know what the meantime is. is it the “mean” time - Just a thought. Is it when you’re ticked off about what happened with this girl? Are you out in the bars, picking fights/making trouble/looking for cheap thrills or working on yourself to get your girl back? There is a lot of time that passes between verses and the bridge which I don’t think serves your song. I think you have a rich mine to explore with this title.
May 15, 2020
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Brent Baxter
Hey, Ronnie! Good to see you back on here. Thanks for sharing this with us.
I could use a little more emotional focus in the song. Most of the chorus seems like you’ll just have a good time while she’s gone. Or you might cry. Or waste some time. Since you’re not sure, I’m not sure how to feel about it. Unless you make that the theme- “I don’t know what I’ll do in the meantime.” In which case, I’d go with contrasting lines, like you already have in the 1st two of the chorus (laugh/cry). I’d continue that.
However, that approach contradicts your ending where it’s years later and you’re completely over her. So it feels emotionally muddy to me (not clearly focused).
Where you go with being happy in the meantime, being sad in the meantime, or unsure what you’ll do in the meantime, I’d keep it all in-the-moment. Don’t resolve whether or not she comes back. It’s all about the meantime, not any other time.
I kinda like the thought of “Well, if she comes back, I’ll be happy. Or if she doesn’t, I’ll be heartbroken. The jury’s out, so in the meantime, I’ll just…..” The next verse could be about how your phone may ring any second, or she may let you twist in the wind for days, but in the meantime….
Just a thought.
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
January 22, 2018