Plaintive Americana type ballad, folk country. Not at all likely for commercial country radio, but not everything can be like that. As a once aspiring artist, it's sometimes hard for me not to write what I would do as such. So this is that.
General critique.
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TAIL LIGHTS
Grandpa lived a long ways away
It wasn’t all that often he would come to stay
He’d take me to the park and push me on the swing
We’d walk a trail, watch butterflies, hear the robins sing
Fried chicken supper, then a tv show
Next morning, I’d be sad he’d have to go
Watching those TAIL LIGHTS disappear
Overwhelmed with deep emotion
Losing the battle at holding back the tears
Watching those TAIL LIGHTS disappear
Kissed my 18 year old daughter on the cheek and said, “Goodbye”
She was heading off to college to start a brand new life
But I recall birthday parties with kids from down the street
Hello Kitty, soccer games, it all came back to me
Her mom and I waved goodbye to her
Prayed that God would keep her safe and secure
CH
Seems to bring out my sentimental self
Every time I bid someone I love farewell
CH
©Ric & Fayth Kirk All rights reserved 615-612-4578 rkirk76@yahoo.com
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Hi, Richard! Thanks for sharing this song with us. Based on your description, I’m not going to try and fit this into a commercial box- just look at the songwriting itself.
It’s a solid song. It’s clear, well-constructed. Has some nice imagery (watch butterflies, robins sing, Hello Killy, soccer games, etc.).
I wonder if a couple of the daughter images could be more personal. “Birthday parties with kids from down the street,” for example. I get that it’s a real, believable memory. But putting “kids from down the street” in there made me picture them with her instead of YOU with her. Bedtime stories on your lap or something like that would really make me picture the two of you and your relationship. Same thing with soccer games. Yes, it’s a memory of her growing up, but there’s distance there. Use your imagery to paint the two of you very close to each other in an emotional way. I think that could pull on the heart strings more.
That’s my main thought on this. Solid song, though. Hope it helps! Please pay it forward by leaving a comment on another writer’s song. Thanks!
December 26, 2017
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Brent Baxter
Hi, Richard! Thanks for sharing this song with us. Based on your description, I’m not going to try and fit this into a commercial box- just look at the songwriting itself.
It’s a solid song. It’s clear, well-constructed. Has some nice imagery (watch butterflies, robins sing, Hello Killy, soccer games, etc.).
I wonder if a couple of the daughter images could be more personal. “Birthday parties with kids from down the street,” for example. I get that it’s a real, believable memory. But putting “kids from down the street” in there made me picture them with her instead of YOU with her. Bedtime stories on your lap or something like that would really make me picture the two of you and your relationship. Same thing with soccer games. Yes, it’s a memory of her growing up, but there’s distance there. Use your imagery to paint the two of you very close to each other in an emotional way. I think that could pull on the heart strings more.
That’s my main thought on this. Solid song, though. Hope it helps! Please pay it forward by leaving a comment on another writer’s song. Thanks!
December 26, 2017
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