This song was inspired by a sermon I heard in church - over 25 years back! The gist of the sermon was, "You've got eyes but you don't see; he's blind but he sees what you don't see."
I've been told by at least three pro songwriters that my lyrics are preachy. This probably comes from my writing background - I write HowTo books. What would you say of this one?
Thank you for taking the time to give it a thorough listen and then to go on and write in so much detail. Much appreciated, Sean!
Yes, the verses are still a bit abstract and needs a couple of specifics.
Thanks again, Sean!
November 11, 2015
Really catchy melody and good production. I agree with Sean, I’ll have this in my head for days. I like the abstract aspect of it. I’ve been trying to write some songs that are more abstract - not easy (for me at least) I think you do it well.
December 17, 2015
Thanks again, Dick! I find myself going into abstractions often - in my nonfiction writing, in lyrics and… in my train of thoughts:)
December 20, 2015
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Hey, Noel!
There’s a lot of good stuff going on here- thanks for posting. I dig the feel and melody. I like that you’re writing about something with depth, and you’ve make it catchy! Good job!
For me, though, the lyric is a little too abstract. I get the general sense of what you mean, but the listener is having to put in too much work to attach clear, compelling meaning to it.
And I like how you twisted “blind vision sees you through…” I like the different meaning of “sees” there. Cool turn of meaning. Well done!
I look forward to your next song!
January 18, 2017
Thank you for the review, Brent!
Yes, it’s quite abstract - may be because I first wrote it in the first person - I was the blind man. But from that perspective, besides the abstraction, it also came across as preachy so I changed the lyrics to third person.
Back story: I’m a big fan of Stevie Wonder and had read an article which said that words like ‘red’ did not mean the color red to him but conveyed excitement. I had him in mind when I wrote the lyrics. In fact, its dedicated to him!
January 19, 2017
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Oh Oh Oh…..
Oh Oh Oh…..
I once knew a blind man
Said the world’s an illusion
Blinding everyone and concealing the truth
The picture on your TV
Or the people that you see
in Color or Black & White make no difference at all
Oh and blind vision sees beyond the sight
oh and blind vision sees past the neon light
oh and blind vision sees the big in the small
Blind Vision sees you sees you through it all
White cane in his pale hand
tapping into the minds of man
Shedding light so you can see true beauty’s in the soul
In dark glares he sees it all
Says, “Be careful or you will fall
Turn a blind eye to the writing,
you think you see on the wall"
Oh and blind vision sees beyond the sight
oh and blind vision sees past the neon light
oh and blind vision sees the big in the small
Blind Vision sees you sees you through it all
Oh and blind vision sees beyond the sight
oh and blind vision sees past the neon light
oh and blind vision sees the big in the small
Blind Vision sees you sees you through it all
If you lose your bearings
just close your eyes
You’ll be able to see
the truth from the lies
Oh and blind vision sees beyond the sight
oh and blind vision sees past the neon light
oh and blind vision sees the big in the small
Blind Vision sees you sees you through it all
Written by Noel Gama (c) 2015
1
This doesn’t seem too preachy to me but one way to make it even less so might be to change the point of view so the blind man is talking to you personally. You could leave the chorus the same but make it clear in the verses that the advice is directed to you and that you (the singer) are the one in need of learning the lesson. People don’t like to be preached to but they can relate to others mistakes and take the advice themselves. It’s all about the delivery.
This might fix the other problem I have with it as well (though I’m not sure it’s really a problem) - I like the message but it seems like the verses might need a little more detail. Maybe specifics about what the blind man is warning against or what the dangers are. This is just off the top of my head and I couldn’t tell you immediately what I would do differently. Also, I write country music and in country we deal less in abstract ideas and more in concrete narratives so perhaps I am thinking too much like a country writer. This may work just fine for pop.
Good melody and the phrasing seems to work well. Catchy - the chorus is stuck in my head after one listen. Good production on the demo too!
Overall, I like it.
November 10, 2015
1
Thank you for taking the time to give it a thorough listen and then to go on and write in so much detail. Much appreciated, Sean!
Yes, the verses are still a bit abstract and needs a couple of specifics.
Thanks again, Sean!
November 11, 2015
1
Really catchy melody and good production. I agree with Sean, I’ll have this in my head for days. I like the abstract aspect of it. I’ve been trying to write some songs that are more abstract - not easy (for me at least) I think you do it well.
December 17, 2015
0
Thanks again, Dick! I find myself going into abstractions often - in my nonfiction writing, in lyrics and… in my train of thoughts:)
December 20, 2015
1
Hey, Noel!
There’s a lot of good stuff going on here- thanks for posting. I dig the feel and melody. I like that you’re writing about something with depth, and you’ve make it catchy! Good job!
For me, though, the lyric is a little too abstract. I get the general sense of what you mean, but the listener is having to put in too much work to attach clear, compelling meaning to it.
And I like how you twisted “blind vision sees you through…” I like the different meaning of “sees” there. Cool turn of meaning. Well done!
I look forward to your next song!
January 18, 2017
0
Thank you for the review, Brent!
Yes, it’s quite abstract - may be because I first wrote it in the first person - I was the blind man. But from that perspective, besides the abstraction, it also came across as preachy so I changed the lyrics to third person.
Back story: I’m a big fan of Stevie Wonder and had read an article which said that words like ‘red’ did not mean the color red to him but conveyed excitement. I had him in mind when I wrote the lyrics. In fact, its dedicated to him!
January 19, 2017
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Sean Kasey
This doesn’t seem too preachy to me but one way to make it even less so might be to change the point of view so the blind man is talking to you personally. You could leave the chorus the same but make it clear in the verses that the advice is directed to you and that you (the singer) are the one in need of learning the lesson. People don’t like to be preached to but they can relate to others mistakes and take the advice themselves. It’s all about the delivery.
This might fix the other problem I have with it as well (though I’m not sure it’s really a problem) - I like the message but it seems like the verses might need a little more detail. Maybe specifics about what the blind man is warning against or what the dangers are. This is just off the top of my head and I couldn’t tell you immediately what I would do differently. Also, I write country music and in country we deal less in abstract ideas and more in concrete narratives so perhaps I am thinking too much like a country writer. This may work just fine for pop.
Good melody and the phrasing seems to work well. Catchy - the chorus is stuck in my head after one listen. Good production on the demo too!
Overall, I like it.
November 10, 2015