this is the 1st verse and chorus of something i'm working on. i think the lyrics are fairly self-explanatory and they were written and recorded within about 15 minutes but that was a month ago and i haven't been able to get any farther since then...
Emma,
Nice start with this. I actually don’t mind the additional vocals coming in. It creates the feeling of other voices inside the head. Something, I think I could see either way, but It added some variety. I look forward to following along with this song.
June 05, 2014
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I really like the chorus, I think it has a lot of potential.
Maybe playing with the point of view might help you with some ideas going forward. For example, the first verse feels mostly 1st-person, but the chorus is more 2nd-person. So there is a question of whether it is really directed at a specific somebody, or if the use of “you” is just generically “the world out there.” Being more clear about that might help you think about what you want to say next.
I hope that makes sense - just trying to spur a direction for you to finish a good song!
June 07, 2014
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Really nice opening line and start of chorus. Good sound to your voice and nice harmonies that work well together.
The chorus gets a bit lost in the middle. Strengthen that and you’ll have a good earworm.
June 22, 2014
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i'm only clever written down
and even then i'll tell you things that i don't mean
and i have a habit of being forgotten
or at least of thinking i will be
but look at me now i'm blue and green
can you please remember me?
i've met you so many times
and i'm so sorry
that i lost i mind
but i'm growing tired of shaking hands
0
The first time the additional harmony came in, I smiled. A very simple harmony on a simple (in a good way!) line. That sucked me right into the song. What took me out a little was the gradual additional voices that were added. To me, that sounded almost obligatory. I loved the simple two part upper vocal harmony.. It’s kind of a lonely song, so adding voices to it takes the loneliness factor away——unless that is the motion of the song, to build in that way—in which case, go for it! One voice and guitar complimented occasionally by one additional harmony can be all a song needs sometimes. But I like where this is going… I like that I don’t know exactly what’s going on yet.. That can be a good thing! Don’t quit on it!
June 05, 2014
0
Emma,
Nice start with this. I actually don’t mind the additional vocals coming in. It creates the feeling of other voices inside the head. Something, I think I could see either way, but It added some variety. I look forward to following along with this song.
June 05, 2014
0
I really like the chorus, I think it has a lot of potential.
Maybe playing with the point of view might help you with some ideas going forward. For example, the first verse feels mostly 1st-person, but the chorus is more 2nd-person. So there is a question of whether it is really directed at a specific somebody, or if the use of “you” is just generically “the world out there.” Being more clear about that might help you think about what you want to say next.
I hope that makes sense - just trying to spur a direction for you to finish a good song!
June 07, 2014
0
I like the additional voices. Gives a somewhat haunting quality to it.
June 09, 2014
0
Really nice opening line and start of chorus. Good sound to your voice and nice harmonies that work well together.
The chorus gets a bit lost in the middle. Strengthen that and you’ll have a good earworm.
June 22, 2014
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Dan Heidt
The first time the additional harmony came in, I smiled. A very simple harmony on a simple (in a good way!) line. That sucked me right into the song. What took me out a little was the gradual additional voices that were added. To me, that sounded almost obligatory. I loved the simple two part upper vocal harmony.. It’s kind of a lonely song, so adding voices to it takes the loneliness factor away——unless that is the motion of the song, to build in that way—in which case, go for it! One voice and guitar complimented occasionally by one additional harmony can be all a song needs sometimes. But I like where this is going… I like that I don’t know exactly what’s going on yet.. That can be a good thing! Don’t quit on it!
June 05, 2014
No members have liked this comment.