This is a song about envisioning the perfect, simple life with the one you love. (Please excuse the rough version)
SUCH a sweet song!
The rough cut actually gives a great vibe—the simplicity really works for this song. Honestly, if you end up recording it professionally, it would sound great just like this, with very little instrumentation.
Totally agree with Dick—it takes a while to get to the chorus. Maybe sing it again after the “Til’ we almost couldn’t stand” line?
On the last chorus, rather than just repeating the lyrics as they are, you might consider writing more lyrics for a second refrain. It’s nice that it’s short, but it’d have a bit of an unexpected payoff if you changed it up a bit there at the end.
Great job!
April 16, 2014
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Thank you. I actually like that idea of a second different chorus. I’ll consider that. This song will probably stay very simple, although I’m a sucker for strings so that might go in there somewhere 
April 16, 2014
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VERSE 1
I had a dream that I was old
And honey you were with me there
The wind was blowin’ cold
There was silver in your hair
We were walkin’ through the park
We were walkin’ hand in hand
And on till it was dark
Till we almost couldn’t stand
Through all the words we say
And, all the things we do
The best part of the day
Is waking up with you
CHORUS
I’d rather live to fifty-five, feeling so alive
Than ninety-nine without you by my side
VERSE 2
I Had a dream I walked the town
And, honey you were with me there
The sun was shinin’ down
Leaves were falling everywhere
Ya’ grabbed my hand and and pulled me in
And we danced in paper rain
And, as we both began to spin
Children spied through window panes
‘Cause the love they’d never seen
That kept us spinnin’ ‘round
That's not only in dreams
Lifted us off of the ground
[CHORUS]
VERSE 3
I’m so nervous I could cry
You make me fumble when I speak
‘Cause your smile gets me high
And, your kisses make me weak
Through all the words we say
And, all the things we do
At the end of everyday
I keep growing old with
[CHORUS]
0
Very sweet, pretty tune. It also has what I believe is a very relateable message. My only critique input is that I think you take too long to get to the chorus. I think you could use it more often without materially affecting the song length because it is so short (which I like BTW).
April 16, 2014
0
SUCH a sweet song!
The rough cut actually gives a great vibe—the simplicity really works for this song. Honestly, if you end up recording it professionally, it would sound great just like this, with very little instrumentation.
Totally agree with Dick—it takes a while to get to the chorus. Maybe sing it again after the “Til’ we almost couldn’t stand” line?
On the last chorus, rather than just repeating the lyrics as they are, you might consider writing more lyrics for a second refrain. It’s nice that it’s short, but it’d have a bit of an unexpected payoff if you changed it up a bit there at the end.
Great job!
April 16, 2014
0
Thank you. I actually like that idea of a second different chorus. I’ll consider that. This song will probably stay very simple, although I’m a sucker for strings so that might go in there somewhere
April 16, 2014
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Dick Plunk
Very sweet, pretty tune. It also has what I believe is a very relateable message. My only critique input is that I think you take too long to get to the chorus. I think you could use it more often without materially affecting the song length because it is so short (which I like BTW).
April 16, 2014
No members have liked this comment.