Sang a version of this song for my girlfriend at the time, during a talent show in high school. Made a new version of it tonight.
Interested in your thoughts on lyrics. I'll admit, they feel a bit generic to me.
Is the song connected? What are you favorite lines, so I know not to mess with them during future edits?
Thanks for sharing Joey. Nice job. I’d agree with Lachelle that some parts of the song do feel a tad generic. But I’m sure with some refining and spending some extra time with it you can pull it together nicely as with all your music.
February 23, 2014
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Nice guitar and vocals. I do agree with the above comments as well. Some revision after the 1st verse I feel is needed. Very listenable.
February 24, 2014
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You turn your head and I stare
You turn back I look away
I could spend all day playing these games
You ask me what I'm thinking
So I start to make up something
Pretending you'll believe what I say
But It's really not so easy
To say what I want to say
It's really not so easy
To look into your eyes
And make these words come to life
Here I go
I go back down
Back to you again
And I can tell you know
That I'm, back down
Back to you again
I'm back to you again
You know just what you're doing
Every time I try run
You pull me in
But what am I to do
What am I say
When you give me all that desperation
Maybe it won't be tonight
And maybe it would be today
But sooner or later
I know I'm gonna make you mine
Sooner or later
I know I'll make that girl mine
Here I go
I go back down
Back to you again
And I can tell you know….
How this story will end.
1
Joey,
I think the first stanza is fine, but once I get to the second and the third is when it feels generic. The chorus is great, and I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s catchy and sticks easily. I also like the lines “But what am I to do, what am I to say, when you give me all the desparation.” That’s definitely my favorite line in this song. I would consider revising the oher lyrics though, to bring this song to its full potential. The idea is so relatable! Let me know if you’d like any lyrical suggestions or other feedback.
Thanks for sharing 
Lach
February 20, 2014
0
Thanks for sharing Joey. Nice job. I’d agree with Lachelle that some parts of the song do feel a tad generic. But I’m sure with some refining and spending some extra time with it you can pull it together nicely as with all your music.
February 23, 2014
0
Nice guitar and vocals. I do agree with the above comments as well. Some revision after the 1st verse I feel is needed. Very listenable.
February 24, 2014
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Lachelle Chaney
Joey,
I think the first stanza is fine, but once I get to the second and the third is when it feels generic. The chorus is great, and I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s catchy and sticks easily. I also like the lines “But what am I to do, what am I to say, when you give me all the desparation.” That’s definitely my favorite line in this song. I would consider revising the oher lyrics though, to bring this song to its full potential. The idea is so relatable! Let me know if you’d like any lyrical suggestions or other feedback.
Thanks for sharing
Lach
February 20, 2014