Paul,
This is a sad song … Your vocals are solid, the guitar
progression sounds good, the chorus is gonna be big with a full band and the structure of the verses is interesting in a good way.
I know you wanted to use the “Do You” lyrics to get the listeners attention but Ms. Elliott is right on about switching the Verses around.
Also, I think the Outro where you’re picking should be added earlier in the song to create a larger dynamic going into the final chorus.
The song should end with you screaming “Should have been me!” with no outro. Let the song end on the final scream because it will be uncomfortable and sad because there’s no fixing the problem.
February 09, 2021
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Solid demo, well performed. Song is tailor-made for great band arrangement. Have you considered adding a bridge to spice it up a bit more. I’m thinking of the song “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls and how much the middle part of the song added to it. It’s possible though that an interesting band solo could accomplish the same thing. Anyway, nice job
February 10, 2021
No members have liked this comment.
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Should have been me
by Paul deMarco © 2021
Did you give out your heart for no reason
Did you offer your hand to a fool
Did you stand in the rain
Hoping it would take the pain away
Did you settle so you wouldn't feel lonely
Did you wish on a star that never fell
Did you hold out for love
But let go because you couldn't wait
It should have been me that you wanted to dance with
Should have been me that you swore your life too
As the night draws in and your wondering why your alone
It should have been me
Did I never find the courage to speak out
Did I stand aside and live on a hope
Did I offer my shoulder
When I should have told you the truth
Chorus
Is it too late to ride in and save you
From the life that is holding you down
If I call you up would I hear you say it should have been me
Chorus
0
Hi Paul,
Have you played around with the order of the verses?
I wonder if v2 would be a stronger opening with the first sentence talking about settling…which as I hear and read the lyrics sets the tone for the “friend” left watching on the side. And perhaps moving up the v where all the Did start the phrases to introduce the other main theme earlier? Just my thoughts…
February 09, 2021
0
Paul,
This is a sad song … Your vocals are solid, the guitar
progression sounds good, the chorus is gonna be big with a full band and the structure of the verses is interesting in a good way.
I know you wanted to use the “Do You” lyrics to get the listeners attention but Ms. Elliott is right on about switching the Verses around.
Also, I think the Outro where you’re picking should be added earlier in the song to create a larger dynamic going into the final chorus.
The song should end with you screaming “Should have been me!” with no outro. Let the song end on the final scream because it will be uncomfortable and sad because there’s no fixing the problem.
February 09, 2021
0
Solid demo, well performed. Song is tailor-made for great band arrangement. Have you considered adding a bridge to spice it up a bit more. I’m thinking of the song “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls and how much the middle part of the song added to it. It’s possible though that an interesting band solo could accomplish the same thing. Anyway, nice job
February 10, 2021
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Naomi Elliott
Hi Paul,
Have you played around with the order of the verses?
I wonder if v2 would be a stronger opening with the first sentence talking about settling…which as I hear and read the lyrics sets the tone for the “friend” left watching on the side. And perhaps moving up the v where all the Did start the phrases to introduce the other main theme earlier? Just my thoughts…
February 09, 2021
No members have liked this comment.