This is an awfully depressing song, but it’s one I produced and sang at home and I was pleased with how it turned out, except that it needs a bridge. Once I add a bridge to it (hopefully based on feedback via Frettie), I would most likely send it to a professional producer.
Thank you so much, James Green, not only for listening but for taking the time to comment!
August 09, 2020
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Jack, I think you’re onto something for sure, but I’m wondering if this is too much song in one? I think the “It’s been a year; maybe five” could be a repeatable chorus with maybe a little added to it.
And I think it’s possible this could be your bridge:
My life feels so empty,
I still miss her kiss,
And no one else can tempt me,
While I feel like this,
Just some thoughts.
August 10, 2020
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I ran into an old friend,
Just the other day,
She said,
“Haven’t seen you in God knows when,
Are you okay?”
I forced a smile and said,
“Sure I am, why do you ask?”
And then I looked a fool,
As tears rolled down my face.
It’s been a year; maybe five,
Hell, I’ve lost track,
And it’s hard for me to feel alive,
Without thinking back,
I know it doesn’t help my cause,
To live in the past,
But, a future without her,
Looks so obscure and painted black.
The stars refuse to shine,
And the birds won’t sing,
I could be stung,
by a swarm of angry bees,
And never feel a thing.
All my friends say,
“Don’t see things so gray,
Who knows what tomorrow brings,
It’s a brand-new day,”
But I’m not made that way,
No, I’m not made that way.
My life feels so empty,
I still miss her kiss,
And no one else can tempt me,
While I feel like this,
It’s not by choice, I’m who I am,
The form’s been cast,
And she was the part,
That once was my heart,
And my happiness.
The stars refuse to shine,
And the birds won’t sing,
I could be stung,
by a swarm of angry bees,
And never feel a thing.
All my friends say,
“Don’t see things so gray,
Who knows what tomorrow brings,
It’s a brand-new day,”
Oh, but I’m not made that way,
No, I’m not made that way.
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Smooth vocals. Like the tone of your voice a lot. At the end of the chorus, feels like the first “I’m not made that way” should come in a couple beats earlier.
Otherwise interesting song. Angry bees line got me.
Sing On!
August 09, 2020
0
Thank you so much, James Green, not only for listening but for taking the time to comment!
August 09, 2020
0
Jack, I think you’re onto something for sure, but I’m wondering if this is too much song in one? I think the “It’s been a year; maybe five” could be a repeatable chorus with maybe a little added to it.
And I think it’s possible this could be your bridge:
My life feels so empty,
I still miss her kiss,
And no one else can tempt me,
While I feel like this,
Just some thoughts.
August 10, 2020
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James Green
Smooth vocals. Like the tone of your voice a lot. At the end of the chorus, feels like the first “I’m not made that way” should come in a couple beats earlier.
Otherwise interesting song. Angry bees line got me.
Sing On!
August 09, 2020
No members have liked this comment.