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I was asked by a the owner of production company that I had been using to write lyrics for an artist he was promoting. She wanted a song about "not fitting in" that had some imagery in it for a video. The inspiration came from those two requirements. They both loved the song and tried for a year to make it work for their project, but in the end couldn't for whatever reason.
This is not so much looking for feedback as maybe a helpful hint to us all. I was told by a publisher she liked this song but that a song with this much vulnerability (i.e. the suicide aspect) is generally written by the artist him/herself who is ready to be vulnerable, and therefore, hard to pitch. I have written another couple of intense songs, so maybe I need to veer away from certain subjects. Hope this info is helpful to someone.
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Yeah Cat,,excellent use of imagery,,I like the line “,,like lightning in my head,,,’
On a musical production note, I would like to hear the bigger production (adding strings/guitar etc) a little earlier, like on the 2nd chorus, instead of saving it towards the end, it’s good, I think it will add life to the song if a little more production is added, help it move along a little, then you can always come back down in the verse and back up again in the chorus. Just my personal opinion,,thanks for feedback on my song also,
May 28, 2020
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Thanks, Wayne. I agree it does need to move along a little. I appreciate your ideas. You’re welcome for the feedback on your song. I love the idea of leather gloves, velvet heart!
May 28, 2020
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Greeting Catheryne,
Great subject! It reminds me of early Alanis Morsette
Musically it could have a few twists in it
Nicely Done
June 07, 2020
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Thanks for your feedback Paul. You’re right, it is a little Alanis Morissette. I just listened to your song…..“Mama what do I do” .....it’s gonna be in my head for a while! Very catchy and I like the idea of it.
July 13, 2020
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Mirror mirror on the wall
I dull my pain with alcohol
I’m never seen and never heard
Fly away little silent bird
I walk along the beach barefoot in the sand
Collecting seashells dirty in my hand
Holding on to the ones nobody ever keeps
They all throw away the broken ones like me
I’m on a ledge
I’m standing on the edge
Bad thoughts come at me
Like lightning in my head
They tell me I’m not strong
They say I don’t belong
La da da da de de de
I think I’ll set myself free
La da da da de de de
After all who’s gonna miss me
I am broken like shattered glass in pieces
My will breaks but my anxiety increases
All those haters, all those posts and tweets
Cut my heart in two, I think I feel it bleed
I’m on a ledge
I’m standing on the edge
Bad thoughts come at me
Like lightning in my head
They tell me I’m not strong
They say I don’t belong
La da da da de de de
I think I’ll set myself free
La da da da de de de
After all who’s gonna miss me
If everyone was meant to be the same
Then why do we all have a different name
Posts on social media full of hate
Make us all a slave to what they say
Well who are they and what do they know anyway
So who are they and what do they know anyway
I’m on a ledge
I’m standing on the edge
Bad thoughts come at me
Like lightning in my head
They tell me I’m not strong
They say I don’t belong
La da da da de de de
Can’t let them be the end of me
La da da da de de de
I won’t let them be the end of me
I’m on a ledge
I’m standing on the edge
Bad thoughts come at me
Like lightning in my head
They tell me I’m not strong
They say I don’t belong
La da da da de de de
Can’t let them be the end of me
La da da da de de de
No, I won’t let them be the end of me
© 2017
Cathy Reyes Little
0
Wow! Nice flow of words! Heck with the project, this is something that should be marketed out there. Each line makes you think as well as wait for the next line. “I won’t let them be the end of me.” That is powerful. Excellent work, I wouldn’t change a thing on this song!
May 28, 2020
0
Yeah Cat,,excellent use of imagery,,I like the line “,,like lightning in my head,,,’
On a musical production note, I would like to hear the bigger production (adding strings/guitar etc) a little earlier, like on the 2nd chorus, instead of saving it towards the end, it’s good, I think it will add life to the song if a little more production is added, help it move along a little, then you can always come back down in the verse and back up again in the chorus. Just my personal opinion,,thanks for feedback on my song also,
May 28, 2020
0
Thanks, Wayne. I agree it does need to move along a little. I appreciate your ideas. You’re welcome for the feedback on your song. I love the idea of leather gloves, velvet heart!
May 28, 2020
0
Greeting Catheryne,
Great subject! It reminds me of early Alanis Morsette
Musically it could have a few twists in it
Nicely Done
June 07, 2020
0
Thanks for your feedback Paul. You’re right, it is a little Alanis Morissette. I just listened to your song…..“Mama what do I do” .....it’s gonna be in my head for a while! Very catchy and I like the idea of it.
July 13, 2020
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Mitch Matthews
Wow! Nice flow of words! Heck with the project, this is something that should be marketed out there. Each line makes you think as well as wait for the next line. “I won’t let them be the end of me.” That is powerful. Excellent work, I wouldn’t change a thing on this song!
May 28, 2020
No members have liked this comment.