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Dave,
Nice song.
There are rules and guidelines for song structure. You might want to consider a different structure.
Maybe start with the chorus. I like the musical intro, but didn’t consider your first verse a strong start. Gotta rope me in….early. Start with the chorus??
Plus, I’m not excited by your your Bridge’s second line. I think it needs to be more clever. You’ve somewhat used the 2nd line words before.
I’d like to be “WOWED” by the bridge. I’d like to hear something new, or see a new twist.
Just my 2 cents worth. Hope I’m not the Grinch who stole the Christmas “spirits.”
December 05, 2013
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Dave,
This is serious “Old Style Country.”
I see a strong potential for a whiskey commercial next year.
I agree with Charlie Jacob. Hit that chorus right up front.
I didn’t hear enough bells and I would only use in the chorus.
You might want to add some harmony both male and female.
Happy Writing!
December 06, 2013
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Spirits For Christmas
by Dave Undis and Chip Nietfeld
VERSE
I’ve run out of room in my closet. There’s a thousand ties in there.
If I were triplets I’d still have plenty of socks and underwear.
I’m up to my neck in sweaters. I’m drowning in a sea of gloves.
But it’s easy to buy me a Christmas present I’m really sure to love.
CHORUS
Buy me some Christmas spirits, and give my spirit a lift.
The liquor store is the place to score my perfect Christmas gift.
Draining a glass of spirits will fill my day with cheer.
Buy me spirits for Christmas and I’ll have a happy new year.
VERSE
Any kind of spirits is fine. It don’t matter if they’re colored or clear.
I don’t care if they’re flat or bubbly. And, yeah, I like beer.
Don’t fret about what kind to get. I’ll drink anything that pours.
Or make it easy with a gift card from your favorite liquor store.
CHORUS
Buy me some Christmas spirits, and give my spirit a lift.
The liquor store is the place to score my perfect Christmas gift.
Draining a glass of spirits will fill my day with cheer.
Buy me spirits for Christmas and I’ll have a happy new year.
BRIDGE
I tell my family the same thing every year, but they don’t hear it.
When you’re buying me something for Christmas, buy me some Christmas spirits.
CHORUS
Buy me some Christmas spirits, and give my spirit a lift.
The liquor store is the place to score my perfect Christmas gift.
Draining a glass of spirits will fill my day with cheer.
Buy me spirits for Christmas and I’ll have a happy new year.
Buy me spirits for Christmas, I’ll have a happy happy new year.
0
I was wondering if we had any songwriters on Frettie who have written christmas/holiday songs. Thanks for sharing!
The classic sleigh bells in the background is nice.
I also like the take on the word Spirits!
December 02, 2013
0
Dave,
Nice song.
There are rules and guidelines for song structure. You might want to consider a different structure.
Maybe start with the chorus. I like the musical intro, but didn’t consider your first verse a strong start. Gotta rope me in….early. Start with the chorus??
Plus, I’m not excited by your your Bridge’s second line. I think it needs to be more clever. You’ve somewhat used the 2nd line words before.
I’d like to be “WOWED” by the bridge. I’d like to hear something new, or see a new twist.
Just my 2 cents worth. Hope I’m not the Grinch who stole the Christmas “spirits.”
December 05, 2013
0
Dave,
This is serious “Old Style Country.”
I see a strong potential for a whiskey commercial next year.
I agree with Charlie Jacob. Hit that chorus right up front.
I didn’t hear enough bells and I would only use in the chorus.
You might want to add some harmony both male and female.
Happy Writing!
December 06, 2013
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Dennis Field
I was wondering if we had any songwriters on Frettie who have written christmas/holiday songs. Thanks for sharing!
The classic sleigh bells in the background is nice.
I also like the take on the word Spirits!
December 02, 2013
No members have liked this comment.