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This is a song about how life can get more complicated in spite of simple intentions or ideas at the outset.
Feedback appreciated. After writing this song a while ago, I think I would stretch out the references to years passed.
Hi Peter. I would Echo some of what Bob has said. The lyrics might be a bit wordy. Not that you have a song with several words, but I have heard more than once on critiques of my own songs that I need to, “show, not tell.” James Taylor has had hit songs that tell a story.
May 07, 2021
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Hi Peter. I like your opening hook on the guitar. I would echo some of what Bob has said. The lyrics might be a bit wordy. Not that you can’t have a song with several words, but I have heard more than once on critiques of my own songs that I need to, “show, not tell.” James Taylor has had hit songs that tell a story, similar to what you are doing. Look up some of his songs like, “Fire and Rain,” and study what he does with his lyrics. One exercise that I was given to do in a songwriting class was to write the lyrics of a hit song on one half of a paper and then write my own lyrics on the other half of the paper following the pattern of the hit song syllable by syllable. It was a tedious process the first couple of times, but I found that I was using way too many words and also by looking at my word choices, I could do a better job of being more concise. You might try that with this song and see how the rewrite turns out. Best wishes.
May 07, 2021
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Hi Peter,
Thanks for leaving feedback for my song, which brought me in turn to your song… I guess that’s what brings us all here: an opportunity to get some honest feedback.
I think my good friend Bob (whom I met here on Frettie/SongWriting Pro) and Teresa’s words of wisdom are right on the money. I am a wordy lyricist who often ignores similar advice because, well, I need to get everything out of my system. If that is your case too, then obviously every word is important to you. It’s a good honest song and I like it. If you want to make it better, listen to Bob… Be well, Jack
June 14, 2021
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Song Title: So Simple
I met her at a party on New Year's eve
That was five years ago, it's hard to believe
I got her to take a chance
On a one night trip to romance
And it was all going to be so simple
The sun woke me up on Valentine's Day
And caught me tangled in her loving arms
I was lost in memories of the night
The moment seemed so right
And it was all going to be so simple
She ran from the table on our first anniversary
And left me staring at the candles burning down low
That time the candles went out before
She came back to talk it out some more
And it was not going to be so simple
Too late when so simple
Peeled away like a disguise
And revealed our faults and demands
On which we couldn't compromise
Now I drive to her house on father's day
Climb the stairs, ring the bell
There's my son standing at the door
But she won't see me anymore
And I laugh of times when it all seemed so simple
So simple
So simple
So simple
Copyright Peter Scott
0
OK, Peter here’s your first comment. I would definitely describe your style as folk, not sure how commercial it is, or will become.
Just a general comment, in my writing, less words is always more.
So I think trimming some fat, might make phrasing better, and easier to sing.
Take care, Bob
May 07, 2021
0
Hi Peter. I would Echo some of what Bob has said. The lyrics might be a bit wordy. Not that you have a song with several words, but I have heard more than once on critiques of my own songs that I need to, “show, not tell.” James Taylor has had hit songs that tell a story.
May 07, 2021
0
Hi Peter. I like your opening hook on the guitar. I would echo some of what Bob has said. The lyrics might be a bit wordy. Not that you can’t have a song with several words, but I have heard more than once on critiques of my own songs that I need to, “show, not tell.” James Taylor has had hit songs that tell a story, similar to what you are doing. Look up some of his songs like, “Fire and Rain,” and study what he does with his lyrics. One exercise that I was given to do in a songwriting class was to write the lyrics of a hit song on one half of a paper and then write my own lyrics on the other half of the paper following the pattern of the hit song syllable by syllable. It was a tedious process the first couple of times, but I found that I was using way too many words and also by looking at my word choices, I could do a better job of being more concise. You might try that with this song and see how the rewrite turns out. Best wishes.
May 07, 2021
0
Hi Peter,
Thanks for leaving feedback for my song, which brought me in turn to your song… I guess that’s what brings us all here: an opportunity to get some honest feedback.
I think my good friend Bob (whom I met here on Frettie/SongWriting Pro) and Teresa’s words of wisdom are right on the money. I am a wordy lyricist who often ignores similar advice because, well, I need to get everything out of my system. If that is your case too, then obviously every word is important to you. It’s a good honest song and I like it. If you want to make it better, listen to Bob… Be well, Jack
June 14, 2021
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robert wronkiewicz
OK, Peter here’s your first comment. I would definitely describe your style as folk, not sure how commercial it is, or will become.
Just a general comment, in my writing, less words is always more.
So I think trimming some fat, might make phrasing better, and easier to sing.
Take care, Bob
May 07, 2021
No members have liked this comment.