Simple song about a girl shedding her vices from the POV of the vice she's leaving behind.
Always looking for ways to make the lyric and music stronger!
Thanks Brent!
It’s definitely a fight between being too vague and being too on the nose here. I didn’t want it to be heavy handed, but at the same time I wanted to get through that this was kind of a codependent relationship that she needs to get away from if she’s going to stay clean.
I hadn’t considered that V1 would be heard as the POV of the drink and I think you have a great point there. I also like adding in a bit (without going complete Lifetime movie) about what his addictions are doing to her and to others.
Another think I want to convey that I’m not sure I captured… the relationship is a drug (hence addiction) that was great at first, but not it’s just something they’re chasing and are never going to catch.
Definitely a dark one—I tend to lean that way. I’m working on staying a bit more positive and uptempo!
December 20, 2019
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I hear an opportunity for some stronger, driving chord patterns underneath this melody. Something that would be a better vehicle for the emotions at work here, and would support the lyrical twist as well. Lyrically, I agree with Brent, it’s tough to eloquently guide the listener first to where the song begins, and then to a change of emotion or the tension within between the guy and girl. I’d say you’re 85% the way there as far as the story goes. Over all, I enjoyed it 
December 20, 2019
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Hi Michael
I haven’t much experience in giving advice on songs but I want to become a better writer myself and learn from all the lyrics I read and hopefully shed some light for others that want the same thing we all want. To write good songs!
I feel the same way Brent does on some of his points but when I look at the lyrics I am feeling you should start out with
First you gave up wine then you gave up cigarettes
It didn’t take a genius to figure out what vice was next
Your quittin me
Then go into you last verse
So I wont make this hard its for the best
I know you wont want a kiss goodbye
with this whiskey on my breath
Man I need a smoke now wheres my drink
and work it from there
I can see the last verse being what you have for verse 1.
I think this could be an interesting song with some more work.
Thanks for sharing
December 20, 2019
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Congratulations
Hey good for you
You finally did exactly
What you thought you couldn’t do
We were addicted
But now you’re free
You did the right thing, tonight, darlin’
Quittin’ me
Those first few times
You pulled me through the door
We drank and smoked and laughed and loved
And woke up needin more
And we’ve been chasin’
That same high desperately
You did the right thing, tonight, darlin’
Quittin’ me
First you gave up wine and then you gave up cigarettes
It didn’t take a genius to figure out what vice was next
I won't make this hard
I know its for the best
And you dont want a kiss goodbye
With whiskey on my breath
I need a smoke
I need another drink
You did the right thing, tonight, darlin’
Quittin’ me
We were addicted
But now you're free
You did the right thing, tonight, darlin’
Quittin’ me
0
Hey, Michael! Thanks for sharing your work with us. I wish you’d shined a little more spotlight on that first “Quittin’ me.” It just kinda snuck past. Give it its moment.
It’s certainly a dark one. Not sure how I feel about it. It’s a tough one. I’m not sure if the word “addicted” works in verse 1 after I know she’s quitting a guy. It hit me as kinda on-the-nose when I first heard it, even before the twist. I thought (and maybe you meant this) that she was quitting drinking, and this was from the POV of the drink. So I had to recalibrate my thinking, which took me out of the song for a bit. Maybe verse 2 would be better as verse 1??? Maybe.
And why is he something she needs to quit? I guess it’s cuz he’s drinking and smoking, but it doesn’t make it clear that he’s ruining his life and those around him, too. Please clarify that. Because that would be tragic and moving- if he knows he’s a walking trainwreck and will miss her but actually wants her life to be better- which it will be without him.
Hope that helps. Keep on writing, and thanks again for sharing your song with us!
December 20, 2019
0
Thanks Brent!
It’s definitely a fight between being too vague and being too on the nose here. I didn’t want it to be heavy handed, but at the same time I wanted to get through that this was kind of a codependent relationship that she needs to get away from if she’s going to stay clean.
I hadn’t considered that V1 would be heard as the POV of the drink and I think you have a great point there. I also like adding in a bit (without going complete Lifetime movie) about what his addictions are doing to her and to others.
Another think I want to convey that I’m not sure I captured… the relationship is a drug (hence addiction) that was great at first, but not it’s just something they’re chasing and are never going to catch.
Definitely a dark one—I tend to lean that way. I’m working on staying a bit more positive and uptempo!
December 20, 2019
0
I hear an opportunity for some stronger, driving chord patterns underneath this melody. Something that would be a better vehicle for the emotions at work here, and would support the lyrical twist as well. Lyrically, I agree with Brent, it’s tough to eloquently guide the listener first to where the song begins, and then to a change of emotion or the tension within between the guy and girl. I’d say you’re 85% the way there as far as the story goes. Over all, I enjoyed it
December 20, 2019
0
Hi Michael
I haven’t much experience in giving advice on songs but I want to become a better writer myself and learn from all the lyrics I read and hopefully shed some light for others that want the same thing we all want. To write good songs!
I feel the same way Brent does on some of his points but when I look at the lyrics I am feeling you should start out with
First you gave up wine then you gave up cigarettes
It didn’t take a genius to figure out what vice was next
Your quittin me
Then go into you last verse
So I wont make this hard its for the best
I know you wont want a kiss goodbye
with this whiskey on my breath
Man I need a smoke now wheres my drink
and work it from there
I can see the last verse being what you have for verse 1.
I think this could be an interesting song with some more work.
Thanks for sharing
December 20, 2019
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Brent Baxter
Hey, Michael! Thanks for sharing your work with us. I wish you’d shined a little more spotlight on that first “Quittin’ me.” It just kinda snuck past. Give it its moment.
It’s certainly a dark one. Not sure how I feel about it. It’s a tough one. I’m not sure if the word “addicted” works in verse 1 after I know she’s quitting a guy. It hit me as kinda on-the-nose when I first heard it, even before the twist. I thought (and maybe you meant this) that she was quitting drinking, and this was from the POV of the drink. So I had to recalibrate my thinking, which took me out of the song for a bit. Maybe verse 2 would be better as verse 1??? Maybe.
And why is he something she needs to quit? I guess it’s cuz he’s drinking and smoking, but it doesn’t make it clear that he’s ruining his life and those around him, too. Please clarify that. Because that would be tragic and moving- if he knows he’s a walking trainwreck and will miss her but actually wants her life to be better- which it will be without him.
Hope that helps. Keep on writing, and thanks again for sharing your song with us!
December 20, 2019
No members have liked this comment.