Sometimes life pushes hard but deep roots make it possible to stand against incredible forces. This is a song about sending my roots down deep into the God of the universe, who is able to keep me standing no matter what comes.
Lay it on me! I want as honest a critique as I can get!
Thanks Brent, love these straight forward critiques!
I don’t disagree on lines 4&5 of the chorus. Thanks for pointing that out.
For the 2nd verse lines 1-3, I got hung up on keeping the syllables the same and, I agree, the phrasing is awkward. I have been listening to the syllable count on the radio lately and I notice that many songs break that rule as long as it is conversational.
Great advice thanks! Looking forward to working on this!
January 28, 2019
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Roots Run Deep
VS1
Like a tree in a field
With the storm raging around me
Sometimes I can’t help but be afraid
That the weakest part of me
Isn’t strong enough to stand
Beneath the strain And I am bound to break
Chorus
But I will let me roots run deep into your life
I will stand my ground
I know I only need to hold on tight
In the fray I’ve found that
The more severe the storm to be
The more you put your strength in me
I will let me roots run deep into your life
VS 2
In the past like grass
With my roots tender and shallow
Afraid the sun would scorch or flood would drown
But in you I am new
With my limbs up to the heavens
Over a trunk bound firmly to the ground
Bridge
When my roots reach deep for you
You bring the whole world into view
0
Hey, James! Thanks for sharing your song with us. I dig the title. I love the idea. The chorus gets a little hard to follow, particularly lines 4 & 5. Just isn’t conversational… without the lyric in front of me, it would be kinda hard to follow. But I like the idea. I wonder if you can say something like “the more the storm makes me weak, the more You put your strength in me.” I know you’ve used storm other places, but it’s a thought.
Like the 2nd verse, but 1st 3 lines are an incomplete thought. What about “In the past, like grass, my roots were tender and shallow…” something like that. Feels like fragments, not full thoughts there, though I like what you’re getting at.
There’s a lot of good stuff in here. Keep watering and pruning this idea.
Hope that helps. Please pay it forward by leaving a comment on another writer’s song. Doesn’t have to be in-depth or authoritative- just your thoughts. The best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback, after all! Thanks!
January 25, 2019
0
Thanks Brent, love these straight forward critiques!
I don’t disagree on lines 4&5 of the chorus. Thanks for pointing that out.
For the 2nd verse lines 1-3, I got hung up on keeping the syllables the same and, I agree, the phrasing is awkward. I have been listening to the syllable count on the radio lately and I notice that many songs break that rule as long as it is conversational.
Great advice thanks! Looking forward to working on this!
January 28, 2019
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Brent Baxter
Hey, James! Thanks for sharing your song with us. I dig the title. I love the idea. The chorus gets a little hard to follow, particularly lines 4 & 5. Just isn’t conversational… without the lyric in front of me, it would be kinda hard to follow. But I like the idea. I wonder if you can say something like “the more the storm makes me weak, the more You put your strength in me.” I know you’ve used storm other places, but it’s a thought.
Like the 2nd verse, but 1st 3 lines are an incomplete thought. What about “In the past, like grass, my roots were tender and shallow…” something like that. Feels like fragments, not full thoughts there, though I like what you’re getting at.
There’s a lot of good stuff in here. Keep watering and pruning this idea.
Hope that helps. Please pay it forward by leaving a comment on another writer’s song. Doesn’t have to be in-depth or authoritative- just your thoughts. The best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback, after all! Thanks!
January 25, 2019
No members have liked this comment.