It's repetitious. Is that bad for a song like this with the right instrumentation ?? Or does it need some variation ?? Any lines that need omitted ?? Any and every thought is welcome.
1st comment - your stuff blows me away. I find it unique and compelling to listen to.
I really like this, however; for me, I would like to hear a bridge or maybe two in there to break it up musically. I think the break would make the repetitiveness even stronger because one would be looking for it to come around again. Maybe even a musical bridge would accomplish that.
Cool song.
October 08, 2013
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I really love the feel of this song. I also think that you could add a bridge which would help bring the song to another level. I found myself waiting for it to go somewhere else. This is a really good song and I like your voice.
October 09, 2013
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I listened carefully to the lyrics.
Soon I watched a cinemagraph of a homeless man, who is setup in a sleeping bag near the tracks of an old freight station that has long been broken down. He plays the blues on a cheap classical guitar with a few nylon strings left, and works out these memories in song.
“Didn’t have your voice yet. So you just took mine. Beat me down, Kick me in my sleep. Oh hunny, not, this time.”
“But you reeled me in, like a fish without a fin, I couldn’t help myself.”
This homeless man seems to have once known the seductive charm of a mermaid, with siren qualities. He tells folks he used to be a sailor. Now, in his sleeping bag, near the tracks, he tells stories to passerby’s, about the dangers of falling in love with mermaids. No one knows how he got there, and all of what happened, but the only time he speaks is when he sings. Clearly, he still believes she stole his real voice….
Thanks for the good story.
October 09, 2013
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Really like this song!
Enjoyed hearing it at the Songwriter’s Showcase too!
October 09, 2013
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First off I really like all things about this song. Repetitious yes, but for me, it works. There is enough of a “left turn” in the verse with the use of that one chord that breaks off from the pattern…caught me off guard. I don’t feel it needs a bridge but I do hear harp. This might add some variation. Well done!!!
October 10, 2013
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Hi
I enjoyed the song. I hear what you’re saying about the repetition - maybe a bridge that starts off in A-major to walk it away form the C7-B7-Em thing might be cool - but it’s pleasantly relentless as is too!
November 19, 2013
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Oops, I meant…. I literally listen to this song everyday. Multiple times a day. Please write a bridge! I really wanna hear it build into something bigger. Great lyrics! I’m hooked to the story.
January 20, 2014
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I love this song. The repetition is actually what I like about it. I love the drum beat and the instrumentation feels spot on to the lyrics and tone of the song. Nice job!
October 08, 2013
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1st comment - your stuff blows me away. I find it unique and compelling to listen to.
I really like this, however; for me, I would like to hear a bridge or maybe two in there to break it up musically. I think the break would make the repetitiveness even stronger because one would be looking for it to come around again. Maybe even a musical bridge would accomplish that.
Cool song.
October 08, 2013
0
I really love the feel of this song. I also think that you could add a bridge which would help bring the song to another level. I found myself waiting for it to go somewhere else. This is a really good song and I like your voice.
October 09, 2013
0
I listened carefully to the lyrics.
Soon I watched a cinemagraph of a homeless man, who is setup in a sleeping bag near the tracks of an old freight station that has long been broken down. He plays the blues on a cheap classical guitar with a few nylon strings left, and works out these memories in song.
“Didn’t have your voice yet. So you just took mine. Beat me down, Kick me in my sleep. Oh hunny, not, this time.”
“But you reeled me in, like a fish without a fin, I couldn’t help myself.”
This homeless man seems to have once known the seductive charm of a mermaid, with siren qualities. He tells folks he used to be a sailor. Now, in his sleeping bag, near the tracks, he tells stories to passerby’s, about the dangers of falling in love with mermaids. No one knows how he got there, and all of what happened, but the only time he speaks is when he sings. Clearly, he still believes she stole his real voice….
Thanks for the good story.
October 09, 2013
0
Really like this song!
Enjoyed hearing it at the Songwriter’s Showcase too!
October 09, 2013
0
First off I really like all things about this song. Repetitious yes, but for me, it works. There is enough of a “left turn” in the verse with the use of that one chord that breaks off from the pattern…caught me off guard. I don’t feel it needs a bridge but I do hear harp. This might add some variation. Well done!!!
October 10, 2013
0
Hi
I enjoyed the song. I hear what you’re saying about the repetition - maybe a bridge that starts off in A-major to walk it away form the C7-B7-Em thing might be cool - but it’s pleasantly relentless as is too!
November 19, 2013
0
Oops, I meant…. I literally listen to this song everyday. Multiple times a day. Please write a bridge! I really wanna hear it build into something bigger. Great lyrics! I’m hooked to the story.
January 20, 2014
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Dennis Field
I love this song. The repetition is actually what I like about it. I love the drum beat and the instrumentation feels spot on to the lyrics and tone of the song. Nice job!
October 08, 2013
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