Lyrics were written by Ron Walton and sent to me, it was written in a Neil Diamond / Barry Manilow style.
Any feedback would be appreciated...
As an example of “L.C.D.” approach to Barry Manilow (chordwise), your verse has basically 3 chords ( 1 3minor 4 )—I’d be hard-pressed to think of a song of Barry Manilow’s that has only 3 chords—for that matter, most Barry Manilow songs seem to have AT LEAST 3 key changes!!! 
[maybe a slight exaggeration, but not much!!!]
Also, lyrically, it seemed like basically hardly any details (specific details are often what paint an actual picture, and bring the story/song to life for the listener).
Best of luck musically!
November 08, 2018
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Hi Tony,
I like your song, and it has a great vibe + vocals + guitar parts. I’m not going to comment on how many chords you used and all that, because that’s my music theory teacher’s expertise (Bob Abner).
I think you might be able to improve your song by somehow making the chorus/main message of “It’s Okay,” stand out more and be more dramatic.
For example, higher melody line, louder dynamics, setup with a pre-chorus….just throwing out ideas here, and I am no expert.
But I like your song.
November 09, 2018
No members have liked this comment.
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Verse 1
Was it okay?
For me to call you up and say 'hello',
I needed to say,
That I never really meant to hurt you so
Just say that you'll forgive me, I need one second chance,
We've shared so many heartaches, It's time we shared a dance,
Ooh! let me hear you say,
That it's okay.
Verse 2
Night after night,
I think of us and every tender kiss,
Maybe tonight,
You'll sit alone like me and reminisce,
I think about the good times that I let fall apart,
I said some hurtful things that looking back now break my heart,
Wish I could hear you say,
That it's okay
Bridge
Say it's okay, to make a brand new start again,
We'll put behind the hard times girl I know we can
Verse 3
There was a time,
We lived and loved carefree like lovers should,
Your heart and mine,
I never knew that love could feel so good,
But I was young and foolish, and I drove you away,
Now here I am begging you for one more chance I pray,
I need to hear you say,
That it's okay.
I need to hear you say,
That we're okay
Ron Walton & Tony True (Nov 4/2018)
0
imho, a little too “formulaic” (both lyrically and musically). If you like Barry Manilow, take this one and tear it apart, both musically and lyrically (“Lay Me Down’) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9mJ3XdRMXk—or maybe “step up” and look at “Cloudburst”—https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoofV_Ny620&index=3&list=PLk-yqhTEk6iO1rmIP0uUvh0oEVgWNr3uO&pbjreload=10 —also, maybe listen to some Burt Bacharach (an obvious influence musically on Manilow, along with music from the 1930’s/ 1940’s, as well as Broadway and show tunes, Nelson Riddle arrangements, Sinatra and Steve Lawrence, just to name a few)—basically, all I’m saying is don’t just settle for “least common denominator” version of Barry Manilow—all that being said, I’m (honestly) wishing you the best in all your musical endeavors!!!
November 08, 2018
0
As an example of “L.C.D.” approach to Barry Manilow (chordwise), your verse has basically 3 chords ( 1 3minor 4 )—I’d be hard-pressed to think of a song of Barry Manilow’s that has only 3 chords—for that matter, most Barry Manilow songs seem to have AT LEAST 3 key changes!!! [maybe a slight exaggeration, but not much!!!]
Also, lyrically, it seemed like basically hardly any details (specific details are often what paint an actual picture, and bring the story/song to life for the listener).
Best of luck musically!
November 08, 2018
0
Hi Tony,
I like your song, and it has a great vibe + vocals + guitar parts. I’m not going to comment on how many chords you used and all that, because that’s my music theory teacher’s expertise (Bob Abner).
I think you might be able to improve your song by somehow making the chorus/main message of “It’s Okay,” stand out more and be more dramatic.
For example, higher melody line, louder dynamics, setup with a pre-chorus….just throwing out ideas here, and I am no expert.
But I like your song.
November 09, 2018
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Bob Abner
imho, a little too “formulaic” (both lyrically and musically). If you like Barry Manilow, take this one and tear it apart, both musically and lyrically (“Lay Me Down’) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9mJ3XdRMXk—or maybe “step up” and look at “Cloudburst”—https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoofV_Ny620&index=3&list=PLk-yqhTEk6iO1rmIP0uUvh0oEVgWNr3uO&pbjreload=10 —also, maybe listen to some Burt Bacharach (an obvious influence musically on Manilow, along with music from the 1930’s/ 1940’s, as well as Broadway and show tunes, Nelson Riddle arrangements, Sinatra and Steve Lawrence, just to name a few)—basically, all I’m saying is don’t just settle for “least common denominator” version of Barry Manilow—all that being said, I’m (honestly) wishing you the best in all your musical endeavors!!!
November 08, 2018
No members have liked this comment.